Sugar // Marliza

4

- Maria -

I felt a smile on my lips as soon as I walked out of the café. I think the interview went really well. And not to mention, the owner is totally hot. I just hope she didn't see my bruises.

I tried to cover them up as best I could with the little amount of makeup I had. If James actually gave me some money, I could buy more. He gets mad when I go out in public with the bruises being viewable.

Luckily, I can avoid him and his abuse for the next few days. He works for a company that often has him going on business trips, and he has one this week. His employers think that he's wonderful: accepting, talented, passionate. When in reality, he's just an alcoholic abuser.

I walked around town for a little while, taking in the late spring warmth. I couldn't seem to get the owner of the café out of my mind. Eliza.

James thinks he knows everything about me. And after living with him for two years, he knows most of it. But there's one thing I hope he'll never find out: I'm not straight.

I started dating James as a cover up, not thinking it would last this long or that he'd trap me in the relationship. But I started dating him because my homophobic parents became suspicious of me, when I turned 18 and still hadn't had a boyfriend.

That's part of the reason I hate James so much. Because I hate the relationship. I don't like guys, is that such a problem? According to my parents and my boyfriend, it is.

I walked back to the apartment after wandering around for a little while, trying to clear the thoughts that seemed to be overflowing from my brain. I feel my stomach growling and realize the last thing I ate was a donut a couple of hours ago.

Digging around the apartment, I find the box full of money I have hidden. I'm planning on leaving soon. Taking all my stuff while James is gone and going somewhere he can't find me. So far, I have almost $1000, but I know that I'll run out quickly. I'm getting a job so I can leave faster.

After eating a little bit, I lay on the couch, feeling worn out and much different than this morning. I try to fall asleep, since I didn't rest much last night, but I keep tossing and turning. I feel discomfort in my stomach and I figure it's just nerves about the job or something I ate.

But ten minutes later, the pain is growing and I run to the bathroom, immediately throwing up everything in my stomach as soon as I get there. I lean my head against the cabinet and groan, still feeling slightly nauseous. Why am I sick all of the sudden?

And then it hits me.

I jump off the floor and grab $20 from the box, and practically sprint to the drug store, tears filling my eyes.

This can't be happening. I think to myself as I grab four different boxes and pay for them, running back to the apartment the same way I did to get to the store.

Ten minutes later, I'm sitting outside the bathroom door with a timer on my phone, praying to God that it was just a coincidence that I'm throwing up and have been gaining a little more weight and that James takes advantage of me every day. My phone rings to signal five minutes being up and I take a deep breath, opening the bathroom door so I can look at the tests.

I close my eyes and pick up the first one, not wanting to look.

I repeat this process with the other three as well, and before I know it, I'm on the floor sobbing, clutching my stomach while surrounded by four pregnancy tests.

All positive.