Sugar // Marliza

11

- Eliza -

It's been just over a week since Maria and I sat down and talked about everything that was going on and the whole incident with the kissing. Things have definitely taken a turn, but in a good direction.

Ever since that night, we've been closer than ever. We talk all the time when we're together and when we're apart, we text. We're forming this really great bond and I couldn't be happier. Especially because that bond not only includes her being my closest confidant, but because it also includes lots of kisses and secret smiles and things like that.

But the problem on my mind at the moment is my sisters. Neither Angelica nor Peggy knows about my newfound bisexuality, and they definitely don't know that I'm sort-of dating a girl that I work with.

I don't really know how to tell them. Only Maria and Alex know about it, but both times it sort of just slipped. But I know it can't be too bad with them since Peggy came out to us as lesbian a couple years ago and Angie and I are both super supportive.

For the time being, I focused on finishing up the school year. It felt weird to say goodbye to another year of college, and move on. I spent a lot of time writing papers at the café when I wasn't working, and a lot more time kissing Maria in the back room.

I'd also been talking to Alex a lot. He continued to open up to me, and he spilled all kinds of things I'd never heard before. In all honesty, so much of it just shattered my heart because he'd been through so much.

Every time he spoke, he had this nervous urgency in his eyes, and his hands shook and his voice wavered. It was also kind of weird that he just decided to tell me everything that had happened to him in his past, but I just went with it and figured there was a reason for it, and that I'd eventually find out later.

Out of all the stories he told me, I made sure to remember them. I even wrote the main parts down on the Notes app of my phone, so that I would remember. But despite that, one of his stories stuck out the most in my mind.

"It was September, years ago. Before Mama died. It was always hot on Nevis, and the beach was right there, so you could go whenever you wanted to," he had said, closing his eyes and leaning his back against the wall with his legs tucked under him on the bed. I placed my hand on his shoulder reassuringly. He often became overwhelmed when talking about his mother, so I try to calm him.

"Anyways, it was really early in the morning and she woke me up. The sun wasn't even risen yet, but she woke me up and walked to the beach with me," he continued.

"We sat there by the water, with the waves just barely touching our feet as we sat on the sand. And we watched the sunrise go up over the water, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. I still consider that the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said, a small smile crossing his lips, eyes still closed.

"And she kept doing that for months. Once a week, on a random day, she'd wake me up and we'd go down to the beach and watch the sunrise. A few days before she died, she told me why she did it," he told me, opening his eyes and turning towards me. He looked panicked and scared, afraid that he was going to have a flashback, which happened somewhat often when he told me these things. I hugged him for a moment and grabbed his hand.

"Tell me when you're ready. Don't force yourself." I had said softly. He nodded and scrunched his face up in thought before taking a deep breath and speaking.

"She told me, 'I would do that every day for years. But then I found out I was sick, and I'm not going to make it, so I wanted to experience it with you. We may not have much, or anything at all, but there's still beauty. All you have to do is look a little more.'" He said, talking quickly.

"And then she died two days later, just as the sun came up."

I didn't really relate to it the way he did, but I felt that deep inside of me. I want to experience the beauty of the world with Maria, because who knows what could happen. Honestly, her whole situation with James terrifies me, but she said she was trying to get out of it.

I just want her to be happy. I want Alex to be happy, I want my sisters to be happy, I want John and Laf and Hercules and everyone to be happy.

a/n: do you ever just get so happy that you feel it glowing from inside you? or you can't stop smiling and you don't know why? or you cry happy tears because you're looking back on great things that've happened to you? or you just can't shake the confidence it gives you, because it took you so, so long to finally be happy again, just for a day?

im proud to say that that's where I'm at currently. It may not last long but I'm cherishing the happiness while it's here.