Why I Lost Her

Chapter 4

Central Park was a beauty at twilight. Devon sat at a table, twirling his fingers nervously.

"Thanks for meeting me here, I really appreciate it," he told Claire.

"It's nothing," she said, glancing awkwardly to the side. "So, what is it you need?"

"I just needed someone to talk to..." replied Devon, slightly embarrassed.

The trees rustled around them. A woman jogged beside her dog, passing a young boy picking his nose at another table.

"I'm all ears," she mumbled, almost inaudibly.

Devon drew his brows together, ashamed. "I shouldn't have bothered you, this was a bad idea," he said, getting up out of his seat. Pausing, he continued, "I guess I just didn't know anyone willing to listen."

"No, wait. Talk to me, it's okay."

"Are you sure? It's a really long story..." He trailed off.

She nodded her head, assuringly. "I've got time."

He sighed, folding his hands on the table. "Alright. Where do I begin?" he muttered to himself.

"I met my wife Lacey when I was 25."

Claire interrupted him suddenly. "You have a wife?"

"Sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't think to mention it."

Claire bit her lip, unsure of what to say. "Go on."

"Okay," he continued, "So, I was 25, Lacey was 20. She was a ray of sunshine. Kind, funny, beautiful... Together we were just two crazy kids. But she changed me so much. She made me want to be better, live a better life, be a better person.

When she finally convinced me to go to college, I was so fucking broke. I ended up going to a military college. You know, the ones that are free except for the fact that you gotta sell them your soul. Your butt is theirs the minute you step through those lecture hall doors.

Long story short, I graduated with an M.S. in Biology and Natural Sciences. I thought it was what I wanted to pursue. I suppose it still is. But that doesn't matter now."

Again, Claire chimed in. "Aren't you studying Pre-Psych now, though?"

"Yeah, I'll get to that in a second." He continued, "As I said, once you graduate, your soul is theirs. Your obligation is to join the service for at least two years. I enlisted as a marine."

"He would send me letters every week. So, when he stopped, I knew there was something wrong," said Lacey, staring blankly at Maggie. "I went to the post office one day, to see if he'd written, and, to my surprise, I'd gotten a letter. From the marines. But it wasn't him.

It said he'd gone missing. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. But by then, I was four months pregnant. After giving birth, after months of depression, and paranoia, and postpartum depression, and crying into my best friend Tonya's shoulder, I'd assumed he was dead."

Maggie nodded, her eyes glossy. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have imposed. I was just desperate for answers, and your husband never mentioned it. I guess I know why, now."

Lacey pursed her lips, "It doesn't matter. Talking about Devon won't bring him back."

Maggie opened and closed her mouth confusedly.

"I think sometimes she still believes I'm dead," continued Devon, glancing up at Claire. "She spent months wondering what'd happened. If I was still alive. If I was ever coming back." He laughed, cynically. "Now it's me who wonders if she'll ever come back."

The two were quiet for a moment.

"Anyway, back to the story. Luke was born on October 10th, 2014. I wasn't there. Lacey had a friend. Tonya. She was the one who helped her out with everything. From diapers, to teaching Luke his first words. She was always there.

However, things started going downhill with Lacey. She got depressed, and paranoid, and slowly drove herself mad. Then, one day, Tonya came home and found a painting of Lacey's. It was of a baby, which she assumed was Luke, under a heap of pillows. That was when she knew she couldn't leave Lacey alone with him anymore.

The girls made a deal, in one of Lacey's rare moments of mental clarity. During the day, Tonya would work and Lacey would stay home with a nana who would take care of the baby.

Everything was fine, for a while. That is, until Lacey freaked out at Tonya. She wanted to hold Luke, but she wasn't stable. So, when Tonya refused, Lacey pounced on her. Tonya ended up running away with Luke. I was found two weeks later."