❝When I'm around slow dancing in the dark, don't follow me you'll end up in my arms.❞
『 homecoming - post 』
『 the extraordinary series 』
『 cover by binbarnes 』
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◤ chapter seventeen: ❛ starting over ❜ ◢
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OKAY...SO MAYBE SHE LIED. She didn't tell Finn because honestly feelings were stupid and there was no reason to bring them up to anyone when she knew that this would fade away soon and she could laugh and cringe about it later, but ultimately just feel hatred and annoyance for Harry. These stupid feelings were temporary and she didn't want to anyone to know so that they would laugh at her laughter for her lapse in judgement.
And she didn't want anyone to laugh at her because that was rude and embarrassing, so she couldn't tell anyone about this stupid crush over a stupid guy who she absolutely hated and should hate. These little butterflies and desires to kiss him would go away because it was stupid and she shouldn't be feeling like that.
But, well, she didn't want it to go away either. Feelings messed with her insides and made her feel awkward and disproportionate, made her blush and feel embarrassed, but she also liked wondering if he had soft lips and if running her fingers through his hair would be as nice as she imagined. Of course, she only let herself do that at night when she couldn't sleep and no other time, because she couldn't be caught daydreaming about a stupid guy.
Because he was stupid. Harry Osborn was so stupid and dumb and didn't deserve her feelings when he had an award winning smile and a laugh like an angel, and his hair was so blond which Toni always thought was a plus. He had no right looking like that and making her daydream more and making it easier to want to kiss him and harder to push him away.
God, she hated this internal battle inside her. It was so much better living in denial and hating him so deeply to her core instead of looking at him and wanting him. Fuck, she really hated herself sometimes.
She didn't do feelings – Aldersons didn't do feelings; Aldersons did gains. If this could be your happily ever never have to work again, not your Prince Charmings. They didn't do fairy tales, they did advantages and gains, how to benefit themselves and nothing more. Toni wasn't supposed to do feelings either, she wasn't supposed to have stupid crushes, she was supposed to be smart and think of advantages for her own life.
Although, an Osborn was an advantage in her life...and now she could only think of him in that gaining way. That totally made him less hot when she thought of him in an Alderson perspective, so maybe she should keep doing that. Clearly it was working.
But, overall, she had to say one thing: feelings sucked and she didn't want them at all. Which was why, in another momentary lapse of judgement, she called the one person to come over who was worse than Harry Osborn.
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Now, Toni wasn't proud of herself for this. If anything, she regretted it right after he picked up the phone and said that he would come over, because this absolutely was not the person she wanted back in her life when he was an awful cheater and he was still cheating on his girlfriend now (and boy did that make her feel guilty), but she just needed a distraction and Caden was great at distracting her.
