ozone 》TWICE

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YOO JEONGYEON'S P.O.V.
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The calm before the storm.

I would consider the calm to be Nayeon, and I'd consider myself to be the storm. I am a reckless mess, just waiting to burst. The cell I was in made me so sick. It was gray, and dull, and it was too much like a reflection of myself that I just wanted to run the fuck away. And I could have definitely tried destroying it, but Jinyoung had done something. I couldn't even try to make a goddamn puddle if I wanted.

What I did wasn't right, that I know. But I don't regret it. If Jihyo wants to ruin me more than I already am then I think it's alright to leave a couple of bruises on her. She can handle it.

Love is stupid. Love is overrated. I didn't love Jihyo, simple. I was an idiot, and I perceived admiration as love. Maybe I am truly broken because I can't even feel anything for Nayeon now. I feel fucking empty. I feel like my heart is just beating because that's its job. I don't feel alive.

Trust is stupid, too. Nayeon lied to me about knowing about Jihyo. And I have no clue for how long it lasted, but it hurts. Everything hurts so much, and I feel like I can't breathe, and suddenly jumping off of the top floor of JYPE seems like the best idea in the world right now. If Momo doesn't need me anymore, what worth do I have? 

The water is increasingly getting hotter, and I know that it's because of my emotions getting in the way, but the way it burns my skin is so nice that I don't care at all. I push my hair out of my face, exhaling shakily. Crying is useless, so I won't let myself. 

I'm not mad at Nayeon. I'm really not, because Jihyo could have made her lie to keep her own secret safe. Jihyo is the one I should be mad at, and I am. I am so fucking pissed that anytime I think of her, my blood boils. And I could care less if I hurt her. I just don't want her around me. The thought of seeing her again makes my stomach twist and my nerves light up.

I hear someone knock three times on the door, and then I hear it open and close. I don't have to ask who it is because every single time she knocks, it's always the same way. I breathe in to try and gather my thoughts, "Jeong?"

"Yeah?" My voice is raspy, and it's obvious that I was thinking too much. I swear silently, splashing water onto my face.

"You're thinking. The, uh, water started getting really hot, and when Momo tried to fix it, well, it only got worse. The kitchen ended up flooded," I almost think it's absurd, but knowing both myself and Momo, well, it isn't hard to believe. "Do you wanna talk?"

"I'm in the shower, Nayeon," I deadpan. She snorts, and I know she rolls her eyes.

"And? I've seen you naked before, Jeong, it won't bother me. I just want to help you sort your feelings out like you do to me all the time," I stay silent, debating on whether or not I should open up again. "Unless you're uncomfortable! I could totally stay out here or leave or, um, yeah, like- I'm rambling, sorry."

"I've already told you to have some confidence," I scold her lightly. Nayeon hasn't lied to me yet. Other than the Jihyo situation, and I've already told myself that I don't blame Nayeon. She's a sweet girl, and from what I know about her, she has no reason to lie. "You can come in if you want. I can't promise I won't make a mess of you though." And maybe the room, too. If I think too much, surely I'll flood the entire bathroom as well.

I hear shuffling, clothes falling to the floor, and then the curtains to the shower are suddenly pulled back. I used to turn red, but not anymore. Nayeon understands me, and I understand her. Bodies aren't anything compared to what we've been through, "The hair dye faded," she notes, her fingers already tangling in my wet hair, "and it's grown a lot. You look pretty."

"I don't feel pretty," I laugh. Nayeon huffs, grabbing onto my shoulders before spinning me around, my back now pressing into the cold tile. I breathe in sharply when her eyes settle on mine.

"Oh, love, you're so beautiful. Talk to me, how are you feeling?" Her voice is low, and sincere, and I feel better when she smiles carefully.

"Like hell," I tell her, "it really isn't right. I don't understand why the fuck she lied, Nayeon. It hurts so bad, I feel like I'm suffocating all the damn time, and she still continues to fuck with my head. Who am I fooling when I say I don't care about her?" And I'm one hundred percent right because no matter how much I say I don't give a shit about her, or how I don't regret making the training room collapse on top of her. I regret hurting her, and I regret putting her in the fucking hospital, and I just wish I wasn't so angry with her.

"Yourself," Nayeon replies, squeezing my shoulders. "You're mad at her, but that's all. You don't hate her, do you?"

"I don't," the words blend into a whimper as I finally give in, allowing myself to break into pieces. Nayeon's left hand comes to rest on the back of my neck, pulling me into her arms. It's intimate, and close, and I can't deal with it because she cares like Jihyo did, and this place is more horrible than hell will ever think of being.

"You don't want to hurt her?"

"I don't."

"Do you love her?"

"No," I sniffle, wiping my eyes roughly. "I don't love her." Nayeon smiles sadly, cupping my cheek to lift my head up. I search her face, my chest tightening. The water is cold now, a violent, stinging feeling to my pink skin.

"Oh, my dear," she runs her thumb over my skin once, "you're so beautiful when you're in denial." There's regret, and anger, and desperation filling every part of my body, and I finally can't think as I press my lips against Nayeon's so sloppily that I can barely feel the tear trailing down my cheek. But I luck out as she returns it with the same fervor, and the way she pours herself into me, I know she's hurting as well. My fingers dig into the pale skin of her shoulder as she bites down onto my lower lip, pulling it back and releasing it with a breathy sigh, "this isn't how it should be, Jeong." She tells me, and I chuckle darkly.

"Don't care how it should be," I mumble against her lips before pressing my own against them once more. "Please make me feel." My voice falls as her thigh settles between my legs, her mouth surely making the most beautiful artwork on my neck. And I understand that this is wrong, and that I shouldn't be using Nayeon to get Jihyo out of my head, but she wants this, too. We both need this because we need to feel something other than pain. My head falls back as she captures my shoulder between her teeth, a low moan falling from my lips.

Heat settles into the pit of my stomach, much worse than before, as the water makes quick work with my skin, turning it red rather than pink, "Nayeon-" I gasp as I feel her nails mark down my stomach, settling between my legs, barely there, and I can't help but smile because it doesn't hurt so bad anymore. Her hand wraps around my throat, squeezing softly as her thumb brushes against where I need her most. She looks at me so sincerely, and so full of affection that I can't help but let myself cry again when she kisses me fully. I clutch at her shoulders when she fills me completely, my mouth falling open.

My hips move to their own accord as her hand tightens just the slightest bit, "What are you feeling, Jeong?" I bite into my lip hard, her hand dropping away from my neck as she lowers herself to my chest, capturing my left nipple between her lips. Her eyes never leave mine, and I feel vulnerable, and it's almost already too much.

"A lot." I force out, wrapping my hands in her wet hair. Her left hand grips my hips so hard that I'm sure they'll leave more bruises, but I'm content with that. I'm content with Nayeon trying to piece me back together by making me fall apart. So I relax into her touch, allowing myself to be free.

And it's hard for me to look at Nayeon sometimes when we happen to make eye contact because I can still feel her against me, and inside of me, and I can still hear every sound she made. And I can still remember Jihyo, and her lies, and I can't help but stay angry at myself because I really shouldn't have hurt her. And I should check on her, but I think I'd make myself sick if I saw her. Oh, but I miss her.

I miss her reassurance, and the way she always promised to only ever let me set the pace. I miss the way we'd meet up in the bathroom late at night to just talk and maybe slip in a few kisses here and there. I miss her being genuine.

Nayeon provides reassurance, of course she does, but it's different with Jihyo. I can admit that I love Nayeon, because I do, but Jihyo and Nayeon are different. Nayeon is softer, but she's wilder. And Jihyo is colder, but she's calmer, and she can handle stressful situations better than most of us. And yet I love-

I love Nayeon. I admire Jihyo.

Nayeon told me I was in denial, but I swear that I'm not. If I loved Jihyo, I wouldn't be mad at her right now. I wouldn't have acted so recklessly, and I wouldn't be refusing to see her. But I know enough. I know that she's alright, and that she's staying in a room at JYPE. I know that Jihyo is okay. But she's a liar.

Sundays aren't something I enjoy. The younger girls always go up to Jinyoung's church when they have free time, and Sunday is the only day that we're completely free. We're free to go wherever we want as long as Jackson is with us to make sure we don't mess anything up or hurt ourselves. Jackson is a good man.

Jinyoung is... Less than good. God, he's fucking evil. I hate how manipulative he is to Jihyo, and the fact that he probably knew about her being a Zodiac, and his name always makes my mouth taste sour. I don't want to waste my breath on him, but I can't help but get angry with him each time I think about him. No matter how angry I am at Jihyo, I don't wish for her to have to deal with him.

And Sunday is the day I'm face to face with him, handcuffs holding me back from trying anything. Jackson is standing next to me, unmoving, as Jinyoung scowls, "Have you found love?" He questions. I raise an eyebrow at him, searching through my thoughts to comprehend his words. I smile when I realize that he's talking about the marks Nayeon left.

"It's not like I had time to make myself all pretty for you, Jinyoung," the way his face falls in anger is worth it. "What, are you jealous?"

"Jackson, do you see what I mean?" He scoffs, coming closer until he's able to grip my chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Absolutely annoying. Has no respect for her elders, and could care less about the power she holds," he pauses before shaking his head, "or rather, she does. She knows what she's capable of."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," I warn, straining against the handcuffs. I move my head, but he follows quickly. "Don't touch me."

"I don't think you're in the perfect position to be giving orders."

"I could kick your ass," I tell him. "I told you."

"How did that work out last time?"

I fall silent as he drops his hand, circling around me. I feel so uncomfortable that I could surely throw up on his too expensive floor, "Do you know why I've got you here?"

"To throw me around like some doll?" I joke. He would though.

"I'm more mature than to stay angry with you. I understand your point of view now," The apology I'm waiting for never comes. Not like it would matter anyway. I wouldn't forgive him. He'll only ever continue to tear me apart. And in turn, I'll only ever tear Nayeon and Jihyo apart. "You'll stay in a cell."

"Again? You've gotta be fucking with me." I suddenly wish I could drown his ass. Jinyoung looks at Jackson once, and before I know it, he's forcing me into the elevator harshly. I would swear at him, but I understand how he has to act in front of Jinyoung. As soon as the doors close, he breathes slowly, "I'm sorry about that."