His Desire

Love or In-Love?

1 month later....

        Life has been different for me and Samajae. I've been working non-stop like I used to before I met Spade. A'Shawnti and I bought a bigger place for the shop to relocate. Samajae is starting kindergarden in the fall. But my love life is empty and filled with cob webbs possilbly. I decided to go over Taylor house and just have girl talk while the kids get to play with eachother. We get to catch up on things since I've been working hard and not being soical.

"Samajae! Are you ready?" I noticed my stomach look liked a mini beer belly. Maybe Taylor was right, I am getting big. "Mommy look." I turned around to Samajae holding a picture we all took on my birthday last year in New York. I felt the tears forming in my eyes. "Mommy when is he coming home?" My heart melted as I looked at Samajae sad face. I couldn't lie to him anymore since Spade means that so much to him.

"Come sit here sweetheart." He grabbed my hand and follwed over to the living room couch.

"Samajae, mommy has to tell you the truth." He had so much confusion in his eyes it was beginning to break my heart. "Spade... I mean daddy is not coming back for a while."

"Why?" I took a deep breath. "Mommy and Daddy have moved on their own separate ways." He became even more confused. "Daddy has another kid with someone else." Then his eyes lit up. "I have a sister or brother?" I shook my head to end the conversation for another time.

Samajae jumped down off the couch."Mommy will I get to see daddy again?" A tear fell from my right eye onto my hand. "Yes, of course baby." He smiled at me then ran away from me. "Don't cry mommy, come on lets go!"

"Here I come baby." I rushed after him to the outside in front of the door. He wanted to walk over to Taylor's.

Taylor was already standing outside watching her daughter play with the bubbles. "Hey ya'll." She said waving at us. "Hi auntie Taylor." Samajae ran straight over to Taylor daughter."

"Wow Simone did you eat a whole buffet?" I rolled my eyes at her. She laughed. "I'm just playing. But you do look lke you put on some weight." I looked down at my pudge stomach. "It's not that bad." She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tight. We sat on the steps and drunk our white wine.

"How's everything been going without him?" I kept my watch on Samajae as he played so happy." It's been going good for me... just rough form him." She looked over at me as if she could smell me lying or something. "Really? Spade always had that affect on people growing up. I never could understand how he can have a huge heart but be cold hearted still." I lowered my head. "What was it like growing up before teenage years?" I asked taking a sip of the wine.

"It was hard. Especially for my brothers and mama. I wasn't to much affected by growing up in the hood and not having as much stuff as other girls did." She became quiet for a few seconds. "I think when my older brother finally left home and came back with pockets filled of money, it changed Antawn and Antonio whole view of the streets. They thought if Anthony could go out and get that much money, then they could too." I never heard this side of Taylor before.

"What changed once Spade hit high school?" I asked seriously." He started on the streets with Anthony... I think in six grade. I guess he thought it would be easy. But... it wasn't easy of course. Then this man that liked mama started giving us stuff. Like money, food, anything we wanted he gave to us. But we could only get it if we acted right around the house and started doing good in school." Listening to her made me open my eyes up.

"Mama struggled alot raising us. She blames herself for what hapen to Anthony up bringing. Him and Antawn daddy died by a cop accusing him of raping a young girl. Come to find out, he never seen the girl a day in his life before; the case was a mess. That's why Anthony is wild but now he locked up for a while. Antawn was a star player on the basketball team. He was really good at it too. He protected me and Spade when Anthony was gone all the time. Mama worked so much, she was rarely home." My wine started to make me sick. I sat the glass down on the side of my hip.

Taylor let out a sigh. "Spade was the football quarter back. He loved to win at everything. He also loved to take care of his friends. But when somebody did something to cross him wrong, it was another side of him I had never seen in my life. Me and Spade got the same daddy, who I haven't seen in almost 10 years. Spade used to see him when he was about fourteen or fifteen." I looked over at him. "Is that why he messes with girls like Shayla?" Taylor giggled and placed her hand on my knee.

"Girl you damn right. I remeber the day he brought his first offical girlfriend home. You can just smell golddigger all over her body. The were together for one month then all of a sudden Antawn say she ended up leaving the town because she cheated on Spade with his bestfriend. She knew he was going to get her." I chuckled. "I asked Spade why he likes to mess around with so many girls... You know what he says? That daddy did it so why can't he do it." We shook our heads.

"Did you like his baby mama?" Taylor gave a crooked smile. "Malaisia Jackson. Mama puertorican and Daddy black. She really loved Spade. You could tell it when she looked at him or talked about him." I felt uncomfortable. "Tay... why she really leave him?" It was silent between us. "Rumor around school was Spade caught some disease from messing around with the class hoe a few months back. That came out the day after she announced she was 3 months pregnant." I lowered my head in shock. "I really don't know how that rumor started but he didn't catch anything. Mama had to take him to the doctor when the princple contacted the house."

"So he was sleeping with other girls while in a relationship with someone who really loved him?" I asked out loud not wanting her to answer the question. "Yup. And he didn't care until she stop coming to school and answering his calls. I remeber that day like yesterday. He drove us to her house to see what was really going on. Malaisia older sister was standing outside counting the boxes. Spade rushed up to her but she was beyond pissed at him. She started yelling at him to leave or she'll call the cops on him."

"But he ignored her of course then ran striaght up to Malaisia room. From outside you could hear voices  screaming at each other then things started breaking. I hurried into the house to get him. Then the father had a gun pulled out on us. Spade kept yelling at Malaisia to not leave while everyone else was screaming at him. It took forever to get out that house. After all that, Malaisia left that night. It opened his eyes up so much, I knew one day when he finds the right girl he'll do right."

I laid my head on her shoulder. "I think I over reacted with this whole baby thing." Taylor didn't say anything. "I mean... If he was still fucking with Shayla, why waste my time." The kids sat on the ground and stared at the sky. "Because in his gut he thought Shayla was his queen... I didn't think so tho. They met at a clinic. Like really?" We both started laughing. "He had this plan in his head he was going to marry her and have kids with her but it all changed the day he found her having sex in his bed."

"What was her reaction?" I asked confused. "He said she turned around, becasue she was on top, and said you made me do this." I sat up shocked. "I know girl, I said the same thing." My stomach began to hurt. "They split up for a while then you came along." I smiled to myself. "It took him four and a half years to start back dating after Malaisia."

"If Malaisia would to come back in his life do you think he would want her back?" Taylor didn't say or move a muscle. "I really can't give you an answer Simone." I gave her a sigh hoping she would say no. "Spade really did love her but didn't know how to show it to her. I think he became scared once the baby was the big news." I just couldn't understand. "If he loved her so much, why put her through so much? Why sleep with other females behind her back having her think everything was okay?" Taylor shook her head. "Then I guess he didn't really love her." I said becoming pissed.

"Just know this Simone, the way he talks about you, does things for you, give you gifts just for no reason, take care of Samajae without you wanting him to, he truly has fallen in love with you. He may have a child with Malaisia but not a relationship with Malaisia. He may have done some grimmy shit in the past but he's changed in the futre. And your everythingShayla will never, in her life, be. That's the type of woman I want my brother with." We hugged for about 5 minutes, even shared tears too.

The sun was going down and my stomach was becoming more painful. "Kids lets come inside it's getting late." They rushed over to us looking so tired. As we walked into the kitchen the pain got worser. "Um Tay I'll be right back. Ima go to the bathroom. " I rushed to the bathroom quickly.

I felt as if I was going to die. Then it all came rushing up from my stoamach out my mouth. Ugh, I hope I didn't get food poison.