Jersey

nineteen

Ellie sat in the hospital room alone for a while, before Grayson walked back in.
Ellie shifted uneasily, "Hey."
He let out a deep sigh, sitting down beside her, "Hey."
Silence.
"Gabby stopped by. She just wanted to say congratulations."
"Next time you can, make sure you tell her I said thanks."
"Will do."
It was awful. They didn't want to argue. So they didn't say anything.
Soon, the door opened, "Guess who's ready to see mommy and daddy?" Pamela said, holding their baby girl in her hands.
Seeing her, did bring a smile to their face.
Ellie hadn't seen her yet, and she was so happy she was. She held her hands out as Pamela placed her in her arms.
Grayson peered over, "She's beautiful."
"Yeah. She really is." Ellie agreed, becoming teary eyed.
"Do we have a name for her?" Pamela asked.
Grayson turned to Ellie, "All you."
"I think Addelyns pretty cool."
"Then Addelyn it is." Grayson said, now looking down to her.
"You guys are a beautiful family." Pamela said, "Grayson it's so nice to finally meet you."
"As to you." He said, lightly smiling.
Pamela left them alone to spend time with Addelyn, but it was truly a painful time.
"Your mom set up a nursery and helped get all the baby supplies." Ellie said quietly.
"So, I'm moving in with you?" He asked.
Ellie didn't make eye contact, "Yeah. I guess so."
It should've been a happy moment.
This moment really should've been a happy moment.

After a few days, Ellie was allowed to go home with Addelyn- and Grayson. Grayson took that time Ellie was away to move in. Their speaking was very limited these days, and they knew it'd come back to bite them in the ass.
Grayson unlocked the door, and Ellie and Addelyn walked through.
"Feels good to be home." Ellie said.
Grayson nodded, "Yeah."
She turned to him, "You okay?"
He merely nodded again, "Yeah, you?"
"Fine." She answered.
They both knew they were lying, but once again, they didn't want to fight.

A month of being home with Addelyn got stressful.
Her cries sounded the room.
For a few seconds, Ellie waited for Grayson to move, but he didn't budge.
He never budged.
"So you don't hear her?" Ellie asked.
Grayson heard what Ellie had said, but he ignored.
She groaned, standing up to retrieve Addelyn.
She rocked her in her arms until she was sound asleep again.
Climbing back into bed, Ellie was angry.
Although Ellie wasn't exactly sure about Grayson's feelings toward Addelyn, all signs were pointing to the fact that he just didn't care.
That morning, Ellie was up bright and early with Addelyn, who cried all night.
Around noon, Grayson walked downstairs, meeting them in the living room.
"Morning." He said.
Ellie stared to him in disgust, "Morning, Grayson."
He noticed her tone, "What?"
"Would it kill you to get up one night? I'm running on three hours of sleep here."
"Sorry." He said, non effortlessly, "But I've got a big day, alright. It's a huge job interview that will bring in a lot of money that we need."
"Is that your excuse?" She asked, "You can't get up with your daughter because you have an interview today?"
He looked to her in defeat, "I'll get up with her more, okay?"
Ellie shook her head in disbelief, "It shouldn't have to be an argument as to who has to put her down at night. She's your child too Grayson."
"You remind me everyday."
Ellie was now angry. She set Ellie in her crib and then walked up to Grayson, "Look. I know you don't want her. You don't want this, and that's fine. Hate us all you want, but at the end of the damn day she's always gonna have your DNA."
"I never said I didn't want her." He defended.
"You didn't have to say it Grayson. You left me for nine months throughout my entire pregnancy and then you missed the birth. And it's not hard to tell that you're unhappy. Fuck me, Grayson I mean god if you wanted this baby even the slightest bit you would've been there. I know you would've because I know you."
Grayson heavily sighed, waiting for her to finish.
"How long are we going to walk around eggshells and act like we're not falling apart?" She asked, "We barely talk anymore. When's the last time we said 'I love you' because we used to say it everyday."
Grayson looked to her as she rambled on.
"I know you're bummed about your career. I wish you could still have that but look at where we are Grayson. We're all we've got."
"I used to have so much more."
Ellie was deeply offended, "I used to be enough for you."
"I settled for you, Ellie." He corrected, "I was so in love with you. I would've done anything for you- and I probably still would, because you are my first. And no matter how much I may loathe you right now, I'm probably going to always bend over and back for you."
"Hey." She spat, "Don't you dare try and blame me for how your life turned out. I wanted the best for you. I always have and you know that."
Grayson knew the next words that left his mouth would hurt, but he knew if he didn't say it now, he never would.
"You ruined Jersey for me." He started, "Being here just reminds me that my life is a complete fucking sham."
Ellie was angry, but she was also hurt.
"Then leave." She whispered coldly.
"That'd just make everything better wouldn't it?" He asked, "Looks like we've got ourselves in quite the situation." Grayson said, looking to her one last time before disappearing upstairs.
Ellie sat on the couch helplessly. She looked over to Addelyn who was now wide awake.
She held her in her arms gently as Addelyns big brown eyes met hers, "We can't take care of you, baby." She said quietly, trying not to cry, "We can't even take care of ourselves."

Times were rough. Ellie and Grayson were now both working while Addelyn was at daycare. Ellie and Grayson were at their worst times. They couldn't give Addelyn the love she deserved, and it wasn't her fault. It was nobody's fault.
Arriving home, Ellie plopped onto the couch. She was home by herself and she felt relieved.
Months of not hearing, 'I love you' put a real damper in her. They'd never been so separated. They'd never hated each other so much. They didn't even know they hated each other. They felt trapped. They didn't want to, but they did. Addelyn felt like a job, not like a child. But, they were so young. They had their entire life and now they're stuck. And as if that's not enough, they don't even love each other. At least not in the way they wanted to.