So Much For My Happy Ending || l.s.

"DON'T LET ME GO."

FEBRUARY 1ST, PART 2

#11

          You knew it was my birthday today. It was really nice of you to send me a little note in my locker. I've done a lot of thinking, re reading my past rants after the break up and really, my emotions were all over.

          But one of the things I need to explain is why do I write like I'm talking to you. Yes, no one will see these but me but, there's this weird feeling like I'm actually talking to you but I'm not. It's because I feel like I'm finally letting out whatever I'm feeling towards you without having to face you.

          Anyways, We again made eye contact.

          Usually your eyes would be really blue and bright. But they were grey and lifeless instead.

          You didn't pay attention to anything else but me.

          No, I'm not saying this because I'm assuming things. I'm stating facts here and we both know this, Lou. It was like you were scared, you were pleading for some help. Your eyes showed that you needed someone even though your body showed the complete opposite.

          She didn't notice your change, but I did.

          I can' help but wonder why. Why were your eyes screaming out for help? I'm curious why the bright, confident and fearless Louis suddenly disappeared.

          The last time I saw you like this was when your grandma passed away and it definitely affected you really hard. Your braveness and strength is hard to take down and I really know that. So seeing you less jumpy, that something you've been thinking about must've hit you real bad.

          As much as I wanted to help, I didn't. Cause I fear of being pushed away again.

          But when three jn the afternoon came, everybody was already out, leaving only a few students behind which included me and you.

          I didn't know you were still present until you grabbed my hand. They were cold and trembling. I was definitely unsure at first, and shocked and afraid even. "Dont let me go" you said, and I was genuinely confused. You kept begging and telling to not let you go, but we were then cut off when your partner came.

          It was the saddest and heartbreaking thing I saw.

          The way your eyes went from dull that slowly showed more color when your eyes landed on her. She saw how upset you were, assuming I was the reason on why he was hurting. I was hurt and annoyed by what she was assuming. I wanted to yell at her more than anything. But I was taken back as I watched her leave with you, comforting you and the way your eyes lit up.

          That's when I realized it, Louis.

          She makes you happy whilest I only make you upset and even more stressed. I'm no good for this world. I'm toxic.

          But why her? She is the definitely far from what you like. Yes, we are also opposite but she's different. She's rude, racist, looks down at everybody elseㅡjust plain awful, Louis. What did you see in her?

          Something inside me tells me that all of this has a reason and that you still love me. But I don't want to get my hopes up. I shouldn't be, because I know how much it would hurt all over again.

          So yes, I'm finally letting go of you, Lou. It's for the best, isn't it?

          But I can't handle seeing you happy with somebody else, Lou. As much as I want you to be happy, I can't fully accept still that I can't make you happy anymore.

          Please, please never forget that you're an amazing person, baby. You always want the best for anyone and will do anything to keep them safe even if it has to hurt them. Because you want to protect them. You care for people. You help people. You stand for human rights and equality. You're just so amazing, Lou.

          But you also have your flaws, and I accept that. We all have our flaws in many different ways.

          I don't blame her.

          I mean, who wouldn't like you, Louis? I'm sure you're one of those people who people would wait for until it's their chance to date you. You are everything an average person aspire to be. You're extraordinary.

         I still perfectly and clearly see the good in you even after how much you broke me and all of your promises.

          Please never ever change into someone you're not, Louis. We all accept you no matter what. And I still love you no matter what. But I'm sorry, I have to let go. Never blame yourself for this, Lou. It's the pain that caused this and not you.

          I love you so much Louis Tomlinson. More than you could ever imagine.

H.