BAD

Chapter Three: Sandy

Song of the Chapter: Pocketfull Of Sunshine by Natasha Beningfield

Rose POV

The thumping of the rain soothes me. It's the only time I can tune my own sorrows out of my own head to get a glimpse of a sneak peek at peace. I can pretend I'm somebody else and I almost smile at the thought, almost.

I sit up from my old and worn twin sized air mattress, staring out my bedroom window; a daily routine for me. This will be the last time I do it here, so I try to lock the feeling into my brain. Dull wooden floor to ashy white walls, paint peeling off. My room and my home, no more. My new home will be Fervor Ville University, the college I chose because it always rains in that part of town. Not the smartest reasoning.

"Rose sweetie, get up so you won't be late." I lean back on the mattress and pretend that that was my mother's voice waking me and caressing me with her voice. Pretending, I am because I've never met the lady. Instead it's just Melgda, my seventy year old foster mom. "Rose?" She knocks softly, her voice shaking with old age.

"Yeah, I'm up. Thanks." I call a little above a whisper. I hear the hallway floor creak as she descends to her bedroom. I stretch with a yawn, and stand to the cold floor. Today I'm leaving like I promised Daughnt.

I put on a pair of loose sweatpants and let the air out of my mattress, I won't need it anymore. It was the only source of bed that Melgda could afford for me and coming from sleeping outside for days at a time, I was and still am deeply grateful for the mattress. I will forever be loyal to her for that reason alone, let alone the small things she's done for me.

I walk down the bare hallway, creaks echoing off the walls and walk into the tiny bathroom. I turn the left knob to the sink in order for the shower to run. Some dickhead Bob the builder wannabe fucked up the pipes, leaving us to wash like this. I lean over the old tub and turn the shower on, and lean back up to cut off the sink water. Another routine.

I wash my hair and my body at least a good three times to wash away my bad dreams from the night before, a habit of mine. No matter how hard and rough I scrub, I always feel the same way getting out; dirty.

I stand at the sink, avoiding the mirror. I can't remember the last time I saw my own reflection and don't want to. I dry my hair and brush my teeth, another thing I treasure doing because I would go days at a time without being able to. All because of my stupid ass seed bearer and my asshole ass sperm donor, both of which have screwed me over since birth. I fucking hate them and I'm reminded of it from every little detail of my life.

I walk back in my room to get dressed. I put on one of my five pairs of jeans. All tight and black all ripped at the knees. I pull on one of my five shirts. All tight and black, my favorite color. Even my fake converses are black, my only pair of shoes besides my rain boots.

I already had my few things packed days ago so the only thing left for me to do is leave. Leave to my future, and try to leave my old life behind. I'm only trying for Daughnt. He doesn't know it, but I'm attempting to actually become something for the sake that Daughnt and I might get a chance to be together. Like for real together.

**

As I walk into the crowded lot of the University, I feel a slither of wanted chills. I worked hard for this. I busted my ass for my full scholarship to this well supported college. Through all of the foster homes and different events throughout my life, I maintained a 4.0 grade point average throughout high school. I always thought that I would give myself all of the things no one else would. I would support, nurture, and love my own self because no one else would.

That was all bullshit, I'm not worth any of that.

The price of living for yourself and by yourself is heavy though. It makes you hate people. Especially the people that have ever done you wrong.