BAD

Chapter Thirteen: Her Eyes

Song of The Chapter: Closer by Kings of Leon

Rose Pov

Sanders. Teacher. No Aunt.  No not Aunt. I'm so confused. 

I'm sitting on one of the chairs in her room trying to pull myself together. She told me she's my aunt. My fucking aunt.

"Rose say something," she's been in my face ever since I opened my eyes. I can't believe I fainted. That hasn't happened since Lilian. 

"What do you mean you're my aunt? Where the hell were you all these years then?" I stand but quickly sit back down. My knees ache like hell like they could fall right off. She begins to walk closer but I hold my shaky hand up. She haults in her tracks and folds her hands in front of her. "Where were you?" I asked again. 

"Your mom ran off with you when she got pregnant and we haven't seen you or her since you were born," she clenches her jaw clearly trying to hold back tears. "God we hunted the ends of the earth trying to look for you," she turns her head but not before I saw the lone tear. 

I just can't handle this right now. Not with my period. Not with Sandy and my sudden annoyance with her lack of communication. Not when I never even knew I had any other family besides Lily. My mother took us away from our family just to abandon us?

My chest feels like it is fucking caving in. I feel like I'm having a heart attack and I almost had one of those shits before. 

"Say something Rose," she is leaning on her Mahogany desk like the air has been knocked out of her. Welcome to my world because that's how I feel every fucking day.

I slowly stand, and grab my bag which seems three times heavier than it was this morning. "I can't do this right now. How do I even know if you are telling the truth?"

She runs behind her desk and dumps the contents out of her black Micheal Kors. Pads, papers, lipsticks and other items fall out. She searches frantically until she finds her wallet. Now there are dozens of tears falling from her face onto her many papers. 

"Look," she walks over to me wiping her face. She hands me a kodak picture with her lavender painted nails. I snatch it out of her hands out of fustration. When I turn it over my knees buckle and my eyes water. 

I've never seen this lady before in my life that I remember, yet no one has ever looked so familiar. I know instantly who it is. Her. Her black hair is long and thick in the black and white graduation picture. Her smile perfect and beautiful like mines when I used to have a reason to. She looks so promising holding onto her cap with her head slightly slanted to the side. 

My mother. 

I drop my bag and sag to my ass. She looks so stunning through the wear and tear of the old picture. It's her. I have spent countless, countless hours just imagining how she could possibly look. She's beautiful. Perfect girl chiseled face structure. Small pixie nose.

Sanders sits down in front of me leaning back on her feet. Her hands are enclosed on top of her lap. "She was pregnant with you on that day," she sniffles. 

I'm speechless. For the first time in practically all of my life I don't have shit to say. Sanders is my aunt, which now that I look at her face, like really look at her face we have the same lips, and the same facial structure. And this young senior in the picture is my mother. We all share striking similarities. 

"And you say you haven't seen her in eighteen years?" 

"Eighteen years."

I grab onto the desk next to me to stand, not taking my eyes off of the eyes staring back at me. I wish the picture was not black and white so I could see her eye color.

"What color were her eyes?"

Sander's lets out a small broken laugh. "Green like mines," she stands too. "You get your grey ghost eyes from your father."

I can't even deal with where in the hell he might be. I seriously need to get high, like I can't even take it anymore. My throat is aching. 

"I'm going to leave now," I press the picture agaisnt her chest as I walk past her. 

"Is that all you have to say? I am your aunt," she calls from behind me but I'm already out of the door. I can't belive that I met two family members in the same day, no matter how I met them. I just want to go far away from Sanders, from this class, from myself. 

The cold autumn air whips around my bare face and neck. My hair flys wilder and about in the wind. My heart is beating fast and I can't get that picture out of my head. I literally wander around the campuss completely un-responsive to anything going on around me or where I even am. 

I stop in the middle of regular and stranger college kids. Some in colorful raincoats, some with smiles on their faces wider than East from West. I drop my bag on the ground right in the middle of my universe. Some people stare, and some people don't even notice my existence. But I don't give a shit. I'm just thinking about,

What the actual fuck just happened.

**

When I got my shit together, I found my way back to the dorms. When I got back Sandy wasn't here. I was so mother fucking thankful because I would have completely lost my shit if she had an attitude. And the crazy thing about that is it did not stop me for even a second from coming. Like I was looking for a fight.

I'm sitting on the floor in front of my bed with a bag of weed that I bought off of this kid named Duke. He's the campuss junky and he had everything you could imagine. I was this fucking close to buying shit that I shouldn't even go around. I already smoked enough of the pot for tonight. I tuck it away under my mattress.

It is funny actually, how I need shit. I need this and that some more soap, clothes, a car and the list goes on but I spent a nice little penny on some weed. 

I end up laughing my ass off for a good five minutes. "You left me," I say into the peach scented room. And then I laugh some more. It is a desolate laugh. 

"What's so funny?" Sandy walks into the room, I must have forgotten to lock the door. She carries her clothing store shopping bags onto her bed. She plops down on her bed clearly exhausted from shopping. As if I know the feeling.

"Nothing," I turn towards the window in between our beds instead of her view. I'm still damn hot in the temper department. 

"Um, look Rose," she starts but I still don't look her way. I look out of the window trying to mentally leave this world behind like I know how to do so well. "You are right about Harry," she pushes out like it was the hardest damn thing to say. 

That snaped me out of my intended comatose. 

"What are you saying?" I ask still looking out of the window. 

"I am saying that he does do wrong. I'm saying that it's not fair how I've been treating you," she stands and walks over to her closet, I guess to put her items away. "He's an asshole sometimes and we don't just stop talking to him. To be honest I do not even know why no one has ever called him out like you do."

"I'll believe it when I see it. Ya'll kiss his ass too much for me to belive your words."

"Well my mom is getting married this weekend and I wanted to invite you to the ceremony."

I look up to her face and she's dead ass serious. "Why?"

"I just think- well I don't know It's sort of a way to make up for my behaivor over the past few weeks," she laughs. "I'm sorry."

I stand up suddenly tired. I start that restaurant job tomorrow so I need some sleep. I do not even have the energy to tell Sandy where she can shove that apology. Nor do I even want to.

"Okay," I climb on my bed, while kicking my shoes off. 

"Okay!" she's exited now. "I'll let you sleep but when you wake up, we have so much to catch up on." 

I just roll onto my good ol' left side and wait for my best friend to come: sleep. Except when I close my eyes I see the pair of unfamiliar yet familiar eyes from that picture. 

Like I always say; Here we fucking go.