Not Able To Feel (Ticci Toby Story)

Chapter Eleven ~ Do You Mean It?

After Lexi and I finished crying (for the moment, that is) we went into our house to get some answers. There were tons of people going in and out of our home, each of them determined to find some answers. It was hard to believe that in such a nice neighborhood that this could happen, but deep inside me, I wasn't shocked. I knew Slenderman and his "followers" had something to do with this. As hard as I tried to forget there were moments where Toby was on my mind. I remembered how angry he was because I wanted to leave. It broke my heart to hear someone I once felt so deeply for would say such things. And I knew he meant them.

Tears dripped down my cheeks as I watched the sun slowly make it's way out of sight. It still shined brighter than ever, leaking light onto the millions of tall, elderly trees surrounded me. A slight breeze made the leaves dance slowly. I put a hand on my stomach and continued to cry. How could this happen? How could someone I trust do this to me? People I believed were almost my family used me, left me to lie there and realize how truly naive I was. I felt so vulnerable, so alone and I wanted nothing more than to be out of this life. Just as I had made the decision to run away, something made me decide not to, at least for the moment.
That something was Toby.
I turned to see him looking at me, slightly confused but mostly concerned. This only made my dam burst more, each crack spreading and widening with every thought. He slowly made his way over to where I was seated. This was our spot, where memories were made and many things were said.
"Twitch... what's the matter? Where have you been?"
"Toby... when you said that I was strong.. that I was unbreakable. Did you really mean that? You know who I am as a person better than anyone else... and I'm beginning to question how I got here."

His face twisted with anger for a moment, but then I could see he felt bad for me. A sad expression possessed his usually happy face. He pulled his muzzle down to reveal his lips, as dry and as chapped as they were I remember fantasizing about them all the time. But Toby was right. Life isn't a fairy tale. Today truly sent that message for me.

"Brooke..." he was using my real name. This meant whatever he was going to say was important. "I don't know what happened. But whatever did does not define you. You are strong. You are unbreakable. While you are crying here I can still see the stubborn, straight to the point person I met back in the day. While you were young... I knew that one day you'd do something for yourself. While killing wasn't what I had in my mind, you still do what you have to do to get your own. I really look up to you. You feel so much yet you don't let it effect you. I on the other hand... am not able to feel. But I do know that what I feel about you is all true. Brooke, you are strong."

As I listened to his voice shake, I hugged my knees closer to my chest. It was so hard to be so young in a group of adults, ones with no remorse. But Toby... he was different.

"You really mean that, Toby?"

"I always mean what I say when it comes to you."

He believed I was strong. But he also said that whenever he said something to me, he meant it. "Fuck you" was on that list.

.....

Later that night, after speaking with the detectives and officers, I decided to check Lexi and I into a hotel. Clearly it wasn't safe, and being pregnant really made it hard to depend on myself. It was just Lexi and I once again. I was stuck. My past was finally coming back to haunt me just when I thought I might move on. As I lie beside Lexi, who was sound asleep, I felt Kyle's child beginning to kick and wiggle around inside of me. I began to cry once again, for the hundredth time today. I could only think how Kyle used to calm the baby down. Now he wasn't here to do that. Tears began to spill at this point, I felt almost as if the baby knew his father wasn't here. My hero, who had saved me from my past wasn't able to save me.

I sat up, careful not to wake my sleeping daughter. Her long, dark hair spilled across the mattress, her face buried into the pillow. This poor girl, brought into a life of disappointment and wrong doing. I had to do something to calm myself, the baby was beginning to hurt me and I knew the stress was a big part of why they were so on edge. I glanced out the window, and as I did I saw something. Down in the practically empty parking lot, a tall figure was standing there. White skin with so much history, yet no features on his face. I knew who it was. I chose to look away, I tried to remind myself that I had done nothing wrong.

I left the hotel room to get something to eat. As the elevator took me down, I felt really off. Like this wasn't all of the bad things that were going to happen to me. Then I remembered, I had just left my daughter alone in the hotel room.

I immediately began to panic, a cold sweat broke out so over my body. The elevator was taking so long, I needed to get back up to my floor. I mashed the buttons, my eyes shifting all around the small chamber.

Finally I had gotten back up. I tried to run but being pregnant made it so hard, on top of this it felt as if a freighter was being laid on my chest. I couldn't breathe, I began to twitch. Tears began to form as I swiped my card, I prayed and prayed. As I opened the door, I saw that Lexi was wide awake.

"Jeff, it's really you." She said. I looked at the window and sure enough, he was climbing in. The panic only began to get worse, I began to sob.

"Lexi, come here right now!" I barked. She knew something wasn't right at that point and rushed over to me. Jeff only chuckled, licking his lips as he stared me up and down. I trembled under his evil gaze. This was it, wasn't it?

"Good to see you again, Twitchy. I see the name still fits."
"It went away until you bastards started fucking with me again!" I replied, angry and afraid for my children. I was also so afraid that Jeff would say something he shouldn't.
"Believe me, I would've left you alone if it wasn't up to me. But unfortunately the Boss sent me here."
I shook my head, my arm beginning to twitch. I held it so that it would settle.
"Its been four years... what possibly could you all want from me? Please... I beg of you, Jeff, just leave us alone. I need my life back, not just for me but for my child!"
"You think I give a fuck about that... thing? It shouldn't even be here!"
Just as I was afraid of. I looked at Lexi, then I covered her ears but it was too late. She began to cry, someone she looked up to was now saying she shouldn't exist. I don't blame her.
"Shut your mouth, Jeffrey!" I yelled, more tears flowing.
"You know, Brookie. You never fail to be stubborn... Maybe that's what caught my interest. Maybe your stubbornness is why Eyeless Jack and I--"
"Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth, Jeff! I'm calling the police, leave right now!" I reached for the phone. But he didn't seem afraid. He laughed.
"Don't worry. You're off the hook for now, Twitch but once you pop that," he points to my belly, "out, you're mine. You will come back. Or you and your precious little family will die."

And with that, he climbed back out. I felt numb. I stared for minutes at the place he once stood in, I couldn't even hear my daughter still crying. Once I did, I snapped out of my trance and crouched down carefully beside her.
"Honey.. there's something you should know."
"Tommy and Slendy told me everything. I know what happened, mom, I just denied it. I'm a child of rape, aren't I?"

And in that moment I swear I felt the world stop turning. The wind stopped moving. The stars stopped shining. I stared at her, unable to find words. I could only hug her and begin to cry with her.