now that you're gone • theo raeken [1½]

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JOURNAL

NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE

i told scott.
i told him how i still think about you.
how it's unfair to him that we're together when
i can't let go of you.
how he deserves more than me.
he told me he understands.
he doesn't regret the time we spent together.
"maybe it's just not the right time."

my heart is even more heavier than before.
before i felt so awful about the
thoughts i was having,
but scott's so understanding and just gets it.
always.
there's nothing you could say to scott now
that would make him feel
any different towards you.
i guess i have you to thank.
you fucked up everyone while you were here.
not just me.

now my days are just as bad as my nights.
during the day i might be at school,
but somehow i've started pushing
people away.
lydia tries.  she tries so hard.
but i can't even look at her sometimes.
i'm just making everything worse for myself.
i'm making myself feel even more alone
than before.
at least my family left town.
my friends are still around and i'm alone
because i'm too scared to face them.

i've never hated you more.
why did you have to come back?
why couldn't you have just stayed away?
found someone else's pack to take over?
if my life wasn't awful before,
it sure as hell is now.
you may be gone, but you made sure
to leave your mark, huh?