now that you're gone • theo raeken [1½]

»eight«

JOURNAL

NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE

it's not fair.
scott's a good person.
an amazing person.
but it doesn't feel right.
when he hugs me, all i can this is,
"theo would've put his hand
on the back of my head."
when he kisses me, my mind goes,
"theo would've gripped
my hips way harder."
it's not fair.
not to scott.
not to me.

i keep telling myself that this'll get better.
but what if it never does?
what if i think this way always?
what if it's not just with scott?
what i can never love someone
else ever again?

i'm afraid to tell scott.
i don't want him to think any less of me.
he knows i loved you, but what will he think
if he finds out i've been comparing
the two of you?
maybe i'll never tell him.
but i don't want to drag him along.
he deserves better than me.
i deserve to suffer.
i betrayed everyone by loving you.
i deserved you.