Indigo // BTS Mafia AU

Twelve

I couldnt stop shaking.

How could I do that?

How could I lose control like that?

After Taehyung left me, and it took a lot of convincing to make him do so, I just sat in the same spot, unmoving. I felt frozen, like my blood had run cold and I was a statue.

Ever since I was young I'd had problems with killing people. In movies, books, and in real life with my father. Whenever someone would die, I would feel like a part of me was gone; strange I know. But it's just how I've been my whole life.

When I was training to become Indigo, my last task was to kill someone. Obviously, I couldn't do it, and that subjected me to torturous punishments from my instructor until my father found out and stopped him; telling him it was okay that I couldn't kill anyone. He said he'd do it for me.

Thinking back on how close I was to actually not even killing Jungkook but hurting him? There may have been a time when I was younger when I had dreamed of that, and even when I was blinded by rage after they'd kidnapped me; but all he was doing was talking. Just talking.

And yet, I'd snapped.

My body was still so tense and on edge that when the door opened, I fell off the bed in shock.

"Ara are you okay?" The voice of the one person I didn't want to come through that door asks. He kneels by me as I rub my elbow, with a worried look on his face. How can he be so caring after what I did?

"I'm fine Jungkook," I mumble as he helps me up. As soon as I'm set back on the bed he sits down next to me, too close for comfort in my opinion. We sit in silence, neither of us daring to speak, to afraid of what the other will say. It's the first time we've been alone together in years.

"I'm sorry," Jungkook speaks first, breaking the deafening silence. I look at him in bewilderment, I knew what he was saying he was sorry for but, in this moment, he didn't have to say he was sorry, I did.

"Jungkook don-"

"Ara just let me finish," He sighs, cutting me off. I shut my mouth quickly and look down, preparing myself for what he'll say.

"I'm sorry for leaving you all those years ago, it was selfish and I was only thinking of myself. I understand that you're mad at me, and I would be furious too trust me," Jungkook laughs bitterly. "I wish I'd never left, so you wouldn't have had to go through all the awful things id gone through. It wasn't fair, what I did, it wasn't fair to you and I cant say I'm sorry enough," Jungkook's voice breaks at the end of his words. I want to reach out to him, to hold his hand but, I stay put for now.

"Most of all I'm sorry that you had to go through it all alone. I should've been there, I should've been there to protect you. As your best friend I failed you and I cant forgive myself for that Ara, I let them hurt you and-" Jungkook stops, tears in his eyes. I stare at him wide eyed. Taehyung was right, he did still care.

"Ara I-"

"Stop, Stop Jungkook," I reach our now and grab his hands. "Thank you, really, for apologizing but, you're not the one who should be right now, I should," I hang my head. "What I did was over the line, crazy, and just plain despicable." Jungkook looks away from me, I couldnt read the expression on his face.

"Yes, I was angry with you, and honestly I still am but that doesn't give me any validation to do what I did. I almost hurt you Jungkook, almost killed you, how can you be okay with that?" He doesn't look at me for a minute, but when he turns back around his tears are gone, a new look in his eyes, one I cant decipher.

"Because it's you Ara," He says simply. I furrow my brow when he says this, confused by what he means.

"Jungkook I-"

"Don't you get it?" He cuts me off, shaking his head in disbelief. "You could hurt me, leave me, hate me all you want and I wouldn't be able to do the same back." My mouth hangs open in shock at his words, not expecting them. "No matter how mad you are at me I'll always care about you more than myself, you will always come first, you will always matter more."

I hadn't realized it but as Jungkook spoke he got closer and closer to me. I let go of his hands slowly, and move back a tiny bit but he just leans in closer. His warm breath hits my face and my heart rate picks up. He looks down, down at my lips, and I do the same.

In a second his lips were on mine. His hand reached for the back of my head as he pulled my face closer to his. I was completely caught off guard by the act but for some reason, I found myself kissing back.

Our lips moulded together as he scooted closer to me, pushing me back down onto the bed. The kiss felt desperate and passionate, I was flustered by it all. Only when his hand snakes around my waist did I seem to come to my senses.

I shoved Jungkook off of me, breathing heavily. My face was red, that much I could decipher. When Jungkook looked at me, he seemed to be a daze, like he himself didn't know what had just happened. He touched his hands to his lips, and I did the same. They were tingling slightly.

"Oh my god," I managed to get out. Jungkook gulps and stands up, beginning to pace back and forth.

"Ara I'm-"

"I think you should go," I say immediately. I needed to be alone. What the fuck had just happened.

"Ara-"

"Jungkook just go please!" I snap. It didn't mean for it to come across so harshly but I couldn't help it. If he stayed any longer I'd either yell at him, slap him, or kiss him again, and I didn't want any of those right now.

Jungkook looks at me forlornly for a moment more and then turns to go, leaving the door open when he does. I fall back onto the bed, trying to calm myself down.

Why had he kissed me?

Why did I kiss him back?

Did I like it?

Why do I kinda want to kiss him again?

I groaned and rolled over on the bed as my thoughts continued to assault me. Everything was already so complicated, and now this. I didn't know if I could take it.

Did I feel something for Jungkook?

Ten minutes ago I was about to kill him, and now here I am contemplating whether or not I like the guy. This is insane.

Already feeling emotionally drained from everything I close my eyes. It doesn't take long for me to start to doze off. As I fall asleep I think I see someone standing right by the door but I shake it off and just continue to sleep.

It was probably no one.

And even if it was, how long could they have been standing there anyway?

-

Hey! I'm back! I've been having a lot of graduation parties for my friends recently so that's why it's taken me like two days to update :)

I hope you're having a great start of the summer :)

And I hope you like the new chapter and thank you so so SO much for 400 reads !!! I'm so thankful❤️

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