Okay, so if you don't know who Brian Cox is, this chapter will not make much sense, therefore... GO AND FIND OUT WHO HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!! He is brilliant in a sciencey way :)
Harry was staring at Voldemort as they faced each other across the Great Hall.
'Who are you going to hide behind now Potter?' Voldemort taunted. 'Who will die for you this time?'
'No one Tom' Harry replied calmly, angering the dark wizard beyond belief. Suddenly the hall was filled with a blue flash of light. When it had cleared, everyone turned to see an average-height, dark haired man standing there and looking rather confused. The man shook his head before exclaiming in an awed voice, 'amazing! Absolutely brilliant!'
Several muggle-borns screamed and fainted. Harry noticed that it was mainly women.
'Who are you and what are you doing here?' screamed Voldemort, who seemed to have been distracted from murdering Harry just at that moment.
'My name is Brian Cox,' he replied. 'I am... a Scientist!'
'Neeeyyyoooo' Voldemort screamed, as many other wizards began to cry. After centaurs, scientists were the most feared creatures to wizards and witches, as they were constatly trying to prove that magic did not exist.
'Die scientist!' yelled Voldemort.
'Actually,' replied Brian, 'you can't kill me. I have done extensive research on you, Tom Riddle, from a trusted source compiled by a women named J.K.Rowling, and I know you are a wizard, and therefore are most likely planning to kill me using a spell. From even more extensive research I have come to the irrefutable conclusion that magic does not exist, and therefore neither do your spells.'
'Enough!' yelled Voldemort. 'AVADA KEDAVRA!'
But to Voldemorts dismay, nothing happened. Brian merely smiled and clicked his fingers. This triggered a powerful ray of pure logical science to hit Voldemort in the face, causing him to explode into billions and billions of atoms.
Suddenly there was another flash of light and a woman appeared. She waved at everyone and said, 'I am J.K.Rowling, your creator.'
Harry, who had only wanted to kill the darkest wizard of all time, and then have a nap, fainted. Rowling looked at him and sighed. Why, oh why had wizards never discovered Red Bull?
Turning back to Brian, Rowling pulled out pen, pointed it at Brian, and said, 'How dare you destroy my evil villian. It took me ages to develop his complex background plot and to think up the anagram for his name! You shall pay!!!'
Brian sighed and took the pen. 'Fine.' He pulled out his cheque book. 'How much do you want?'
'A couple of grand should do very nicely, thanks'
Brian handed over the cheque and said, 'I don't suppose you could give me a lift home?'
'Sure,' Rowling replied. 'Rumbleroar the talking lion is waiting outside and will give us a lift on his back. Do you want to stop off at pigfarts on the way home?'
'No thank you,' said Brian. 'I don't believe in magic.'
'Okay' said Rowling, leading him outside. 'That's a shame, I hear Mars is very nice this time of year.'
As the two walked out the door, Harry woke up. 'Well that was fun.' he said. 'I'm off to perm my hair, coming Ron, Hermione?'
The Golden Trio skipped out of the doorway, where the huge oak doors had been blasted off their hinges. They all had brilliant perms done and then partied wildly for the next 20 years without stopping. J.K. Rowling released a final Harry Potter novel entitled: Harry Potter and the Eternal Hangover.
THE END
