Icarus

5

Felix looks peaceful as he naps on the couch, his eyelids hiding his striking brown eyes. I know I don't deserve him. I push the negative thoughts away, though, as I run my fingers gently over the planes of his face, tracing the lines of his cheekbones, of his jaw. I grab the car keys from their hook by the door and try to open the door as quietly as possible.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" Joshua asks, his male tenor booming in the silent room. I hurriedly press my finger over my lips and shoot a look at Felix, still asleep on my couch. Pulling open the door, I jerk my head to the swing hanging from a beam on the front porch.

The tips of my Chuck Taylors hardly hover over the ground, grazing the wood as Joshua rocks us.

"You need something?" I ask, trying not to fidget and look at my watch. It had been a while since I'd spoken to Josh about anything beyond the necessary words.

"No, I just—I just wanted to see how you're doing," he says. "It's been a while since we've talked about things, you know? How are you? How's therapy? I know you went to a concert the other day or whatever, which is good. It's nice to see you getting back out there. Joining civilization, and all that." From anyone else, his last sentence could've been offensive, but Joshua means it earnestly.

I smile slightly, the edges of my mouth just barely pulling up. "I'm good. Therapy is fine. You remember Violet from soccer?" He nods.

"She was the one who always beat me in Mario Kart?"

"The very same." We laugh together, leaning back on the swing. "She's in a band now."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she's the singer. They're kind of punk, but they sing covers of pop songs. Lots of eyeliner and head banging. Their guitarist even crowd surfed."

"No way," he says, amazed.

This feels good. I'd forgotten how cool my older brother could be when his head wasn't buried in cello music or a video game.

"Yeah. Felix and I even danced, some."

"Oh, gag me." He makes a terrible face and pretends to throw up into the bushes. "You guys did that cute thing where you slow dance to a fast song, didn't you? Didn't you? I can practically see it. You guys, alone in the corner, gazing into each other's eyes as he leans forward and—"

"Detailing your love, are you Josh? Spelling out how you wish it was?" Felix asks smugly, pushing open the screen door. His eyes are bleary from sleep, I smile as he kisses my forehead. "It's alright if it is. We are pretty perfect."

"Please," I scoff. "We are not perfect. However, we make up for it by being completely adorable."

"While I have you both here, I need a favor," Joshua says, suddenly solemn. "Gem, I know you've been going through a hard time, but I have a recital coming up for college. It would mean a lot to me if you guys were there."

"Of course we'll be there," I say.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Felix casually drapes an arm over my shoulder, letting me know that he's not going anywhere.

"Also, there will be some hot college girls there, and if I show them that I'm a caring, doting older brother, I'll be more likely to score."

"And the ulterior motive comes out," I say, getting to my feet. "Will there be cake?"

"I don't know, but if you get me five numbers, I will buy you your own half gallon of ice cream."

"Make it three, and you've got yourself a deal," I say, sticking my hand out to shake.