The Tree of Knowledge

The Crazy Cannibal People

Or at least I try to.

I wake to the feel of the warm sunlight on my face, curled in a ball at the top of the cliff, the gun pulled close to my chest like a deadly teddy bear. This was probably not a safe way to sleep.

Speaking of safe, I peak over the edge of the cliff. The crazy cannibal people are gone.

The glow of dawn reveals my surroundings. It seems that "cliff" is an over glorified title for the rock I've spent the night perched atop of. I'm only about two stories high. Last night, when I couldn't see the top, it felt like I must have climbed up forever.

I'm on top of the entrance to Carlsbad Cavern.

Below me, on the other side of where I climbed up, wheel chair ramps zig zag into the mouth of the cave. Sun faded posters at the entrance advertise the many guided tours and the wonders held within.

Without, the desert stretches on for what seems to be endless miles. The landscape is dotted all over with green shrubs and cacti sporting bright orange flowers. Jagged rocks jut up here and there, no doubt containing more caverns. The black top road winds through, disappearing in a twist at the bases of the Guadelupe Mountain Ridge. It's a cloudless and mercifully warm day, but I can still just make out a sprinkling of snow on the peaks.

I eye the entrance to Carlsbad Cavern. Would that be a good place to hide? There might even still be brochures down there. Park maps. If I'm lucky, maybe even vending machines.

I hear a noise emanate from inside the cavern. A man wanders out and takes a piss. He looks up at me.

"Good morning girlie? You sleep okay?"

I back away from the edge where he can't see me.

No, Carlsbad Cavern is not a good place to hide. Carlsbad Cavern is where the crazy cannibal people live. And I'm stuck right on top of it.

I know there are other caverns. Off the beaten path caverns. Closed for bat conservation caverns. Any of them might be a good place to bunker down.

First I just have to get down from here without being eaten.

And then, bizarrely, I remember I'm hungry.

I woof down the now warm gas station turkey sandwich. I wash it down with a few, measured gulps of water out of my canteen, wishing for more. I'm going to need to find more water soon.

After breakfast, I walk the perimeter of my roost. The good news is, there's an easier point to climb down then where I climbed up last night, opposite of the cavern entrance. It's still super steep, but I should be able to crawl down.

The bad news is, this means the crazy cannibal people can also crawl up.

Maybe there's a way to distract them? Keep them occupied in or at the front of the cavern, while I slide down the back?

I don't want to still be up here after dark again. I'm rather sure they'll come for me after dark.

I've heard rumors that the people here were deranged, but those were always told with the air of a horror story. Or a morality tale. Don't get yourselves banished boys and girls, or you'll have to go live with the crazy mountain people who will murder you and make your head into a hat.

Head hats might still not be a thing, but competition for food is very real around here. Eating people makes sense.

Not saying I'll take it up any time soon, but it does make sense.