Eyes full of stars | ✔️

Chapter 21: Broken strings

"Now I can't feel anything

When I love you, it's so untrue

I can't even convince myself"

-James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado

*

I spent that week sleeping like I hadn't slept in years, haunted by nightmares where I would wander in the dark, surrounded by voices calling my name over and over again. I didn't tell this to Felicity, though, she was working so hard and was too much concerned about me. She showed the first bit of relief only when the neurologist who visited me proclaimed he was positive about the recovery of my memory. He just recommended me to keep seeing Sebastian and Toby in order to push my brain into reactivate that small area that had stopped working when my head was injured.

That was why Felicity decided to invite them to dinner on Sunday evening.

I wasn't excited for this, but I agreed because Felicity insisted it would have given me a significant help. Plus, I could have bumped into them at work anyway, so it was better to avoid awkward situations. She was right, of course.

She suggested me to wear something "nice", but I thought "WTF... These are my friends, I don't need to impress anyone!". So I eventually picked jeans, a light blue blouse and a black cardigan that was missing a button. Since I sucked at sewing, I went to Felicity's bedroom to ask her help and I heard her talking on the phone.

"Toby, she needs you! What the fuck am I supposed to tell her?!... Yes, I know, but... The way I see it, it would be nice of you to stop by and say hi... Okay, okay... Well, you know what? Maybe you're doing the right thing, she doesn't need you, after all! A true friend would have postponed his fucking trip to the US to help a friend in need... Yeah, yeah... But, you know, I'm the kind of person who judges the facts, not the words, and Lily is exactly like me! Have a safe trip, Tobias!" I heard her dropping the phone on the bed and whispering "Fuck! What an asshole!"

I tiptoed back to my bedroom and put aside the black cardigan and its missing button for later. I wore a grey v-neck sweater instead. There used to be a framed picture of Sebastian on my dresser but I had removed it a couple of days prior because it made me feel uncomfortable. I had nothing against him, I just felt... pushed. 

"Well" I thought. "Thanks to Toby's defection, I can focus only on Sebastian this time."

Felicity knocked on my door and I opened it. "Wow" she said, studying my outfit. "You look... like a secretary."

"Which I am" I pointed out, putting on ballet flats.

She smiled. "You look awesome. At least, you are wearing proper clothes now. I was so sick of seeing you in sweatpants and large hoodies!"

I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed. We hadn't been funny with one another in a long time. I had missed it.

Felicity cleared her throat. "Toby isn't coming" she announced in a regretful tone, like it was her fault. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for me" I sighed and I got up. "I don't know him, remember?"

Felicity glanced at me. "His presence here was important, you know what the doctor said."

I got closer to her and put my hands on her arms. "Hey, it's okay" I reassured her. "I know what the doctor said, but maybe this is for the better. Seeing them one by one, in time. Honestly, I feel more comfortable this way."

She took a deep breath and hugged me. "I love you so much. You know that, right?" she whispered.

"I do. I love you too" I replied.