Eyes full of stars | ✔️

Chapter 30: Hello

"At least I can say that I've tried

To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart

But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore"

-Adele

*

I woke up, feeling my eyes puffy, my head heavy, my body tired.

My heart... it was gone.

The moment I moved one finger, Sherlock was on me, asking for cuddles. At first, I was annoyed, but then I hugged my dog and let him lick my face and wipe my tears. I heard a moan behind me and I turned around to see Felicity sleeping beside me.

Her sight made my eyes fill with tears again because, in spite of the aching pain in my chest, I was so happy that Felicity was my friend, my soul sister. Nobody cared about me the way she did. Nobody. Finding her by my side at my awakening was like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

She opened her eyes and, blinking, she looked at me. When she was awake enough, she noticed my tears, reached out to me in silence and, one more time, I went to her arms to cry.

***

"Are you sure, Lily?" Felicity asked, handing me my Doctor Who mug full of latte. She sat at the table kitchen, in front of me, holding her own mug. "Ben will understand if I don't go."

I shook my head. "No" I insisted. "It's Christine's birthday party. There is no way you are missing it."

"I promise I will come home after she opens the gifts. At that point, she won't even notice that I'm gone."

I took a deep breath. "There's something you need to know, Felicity" I said, my eyes lowered.

Felicity put her hand on mine. "I'm listening, sweetie."

I stared at her. "I remember" I breathed. "I remember everything now."

Silence fell and Felicity blinked. "You mean..." she swallowed. "You mean that your memory is back?" I nodded. She covered her mouth with both her hands. "Oh my God! How?!"

The scene of myself falling on my knees and being overwhelmed by a waterfall of memories played again before my very eyes. It hadn't happened just like that. Seeing Toby kissing Amanda had been like falling backwards and hitting the back of my head on the edge of the fountain again, even worse. It was obvious that the thing that took my memory away was the same thing that gave it back to me.

"The pain" I replied, my eyes wet, the hole where my heart once was becoming larger. "The pain blocked and unblocked my mind." I wiped my tears using the sleeves of the shirt I was wearing. "Or at least, this is the only explanation I can give." I shrugged. "I just know it."

"How do you feel?" Felicity asked very gently. "I mean, how does it feel to remember what happened before and after the accident?"

I took a sip of my latte. "As for now, all that I feel is pain."

Felicity sighed. "Lily, being this hurt is totally normal. I know you love Toby. I know that you have probably loved him all along and this is why your relationship with him has not changed a bit after the accident. It was love before, and it still is love afterwards."

I looked away. "It doesn't matter anymore" I whispered, hearing these words echoing in my very soul. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and then I got up. "I need a shower. You should go or you will be late."

***

After my shower, I spent a couple of hours sitting on the sofa just petting Sherlock, the television was on but I stared off. I didn't dare to check my phone, I knew that Toby had called, but I really didn't want to have any kind of interaction with him at the moment. Plus, the battery was long dead for sure.