Eyes full of stars | ✔️

Chapter 22: Teenage dream

"I know you get me

So I'll let my walls come down, down"

-Katy Perry

*

Everyone at work was very caring, they knew about the accident but - God bless Felicity and her common sense - didn't have a clue about my loss of memory. Mr. Lavender offered me to work part-time until I felt better, but I politely refused; my priority was to get my life back as it was before the accident. Or even better, if I could.

Not only I had refused Sebastian's invitation to lunch, but I had also asked him not to contact me until I was ready. He wasn't that glad, but agreed. I had said "sorry" to him too many times and I was honestly tired of doing so. It wasn't my fault if I had an accident that made my brain cancel the memory of him. It wasn't my fault if I was now forced to hurt and disappoint him and everyone else involved in this weird case of amnesia.

Nonetheless, I decided to train myself to remember, because, deep down, I knew that something was really missing, something that I needed to remember. The question was: Was it a person? Was it a feeling? Was it something about me? Maybe all of these, maybe just one, maybe none.

That was why, on my quest to remember, I didn't focus on someone else, I focused on myself. On listening to my own needs for the first time in my life, even if it meant doing absolutely nothing, even if it meant dashing the expectations.

The weeks passed and summer arrived. My life with Felicity became a home-work-home routine, because I mostly wanted to stay alone and she wouldn't invade my privacy. We still respected our traditional Sunday brunch and walk together with Sherlock, but our conversations became less deep and our laughter less recurring. I knew how much she was concerned about me and how deeply she hoped that things returned to be the way they used to be. As for me, I just wanted to have my best friend and my pet by my side while getting through this situation.

I would spend most of my leisure time alone avoiding any form of useless stress, but a form of it would still haunt me in my sleep. From having nightmares about me wandering alone in the dark, I soon started dreaming myself walking with someone in a sunny path, a third person followed us in silence. I would often turn towards that third person but, although something told me that I knew who it was, I found myself looking at a black shadow. Waking up after this dream would always make me inexplicably sad.

I soon found out that the only thing making me feel really free was spending a couple of hours outside with Sherlock every evening. I would come home from work and stay with him all the time we had before Felicity's return from the afternoon summer classes, then we would have dinner all together.

One day, it was raining like hell. A summer storm that didn't frighten me at all, on the contrary, it excited me like a little girl! When I was a kid I would run outside under the pouring rain, my dad watching me and laughing for five minutes and then calling me back home to have a warm bath and a hot tea. The rain and I were basically siblings.

I took my purple raincoat and black rubber boots out of the closet, I wore them, turned towards Sherlock and asked "Are you ready to have some fun?"

Of course he was!

We had so much fun indeed! We played together with his tennis ball, with a branch, running in the mud, jumping in the wet grass. I laughed so hard, Sherlock barked and wagged his tail with joy. There was something magical in what we were living together, far better than any warm bath and hot tea... although I would have given up everything to hear my dad's laughter again.

"Lily" a male voice called.

There was someone in a blue raincoat walking slowly towards us. Sherlock jumped on him wagging his tail, happier than ever. This gesture reassured me that, whoever the man was, he wasn't a killer. "Hey, Sherlock!" he cheerfully said, petting him.