THE HAPPY PILLS

Behind the Mask

Party clowns perform on their make-up. With their colorful costume and red nose on, they can make the bystanders in the crowd laugh so hard. Plus their tricks and illusions, party in the town is going to be the most treasured event of all time.

But I have some question. Do clowns really perform naturally? I mean, are they really happy as what their painted smile suggested on their lips? Is the make-up on their face enough to cover every pain and hurt that they're feeling? Or Is the big smile enough to cover the down curve lips?

There once a time when I dare myself and stare into a clown's eye while they're performing in front of the crowd. Their I saw the sadness, the hardship, and regret. I ask that clown and he said, "The make-up is nothing but a escape route. While I'm wearing it, I don't feel my problems taking my life away." And then I realize, for them it is not how you handle a situation but to escape from it. Making people happy is their very goal but to make a true smile instead of a painted one is hard to wea because behind the mask is a suffering individual. Choosing to escape rather than facing it.

I have a story to tell...

I can hear the radio plays my favorite song. Their are lots of work to be done in front of me but I don’t feel like finishing it today. I want to do something that can satisfy me. I go outside the house to see what I can do to make my day. I walk through and my feet brings me to a pond along my Grandma's garden.

I sat on one of the chair near the pond. I can feel the cold air embracing me. I’ve been there for almost an hour when I saw someone’s reflection in the water. I smiled at her and she smiled back but I saw the tears falling from her eyes. Then I thouht, she might need a shoulder to lean on. From what I saw she’s a typical type girl, the silent type and I came to see it the way she act.

She was holding some pictures in her hand, first a family picture. They're happy. Making a big smile and contented with each other's company but there is something wrong with her in the picture for she’s the only one who's not smiling and it seems like she was just compelled to take the picture with them. You can see in her eyes that she’s longin for a family's love, and in need of inspiration and some motivation from them to achieve her goals in life. Most especially, she needs care that a loving parent could only give.

Suddenly, she scan another picture from her hands. It's a picture together with her friends. You can see the difference between the picture with her family and her friends, for she was happy. She smiles as if she’s not facing any problem in life. She hides the tears and the longing of love. She wears the mask of happiness in front of her friends with a smile on her lips. Still you can see the pain in her eyes.

I smiled at the reflection once again and this time I suddenly felt my tears falling and I could feel some pain that making it hard to breath. I wipe my tears to see who own the reflection but I realize I was alone in the bench where I sit. Then it comes to me that the reflection I saw is my own. I realize that the moment I’m staring at the reflection, I was reminiscing my past and missing home.

I'm more like a clown. Some may say “Masayahin ka talaga” but they didn’t know what I really felt inside. Even so, I still thank God with this everything. He teaches me to widen my mind, strengthen my faith and keep myself strong. To live means to suffer but if you are going to engage yourself into it for life, you will die on your own guts, full of heartache and pain.

Better entrust your life to God for He know what is best for us. Just don’t let the shadow cover the light but keep the spark glow in the dark.