Warning: Hindi pa nap-proofread so please, bear with the wrong grammars and spellings. Thank you!
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My first kiss.
Hindi man halata sa itsura o sa ugali ko, mahalaga rin para sa akin 'yon.
Sometimes, I'm even thinking about giving it to my future husband on our first day of being married. 'Yung tipong pagkatapos i-announce na officially na mag-asawa na kami, hahalikan niya ako at magiging espesyal iyon para sa aming dalawa. Or at least, I'll give it to someone I'm already sure of. Someone I know who'll surely spend his future with me.
In this new generation, I don't like the agresiveness and curiousity of the people. May mga mas bata pa sa akin na marami ng karanasan. May mga boyfriend o girlfriend na sa edad na dapat naglalaro lang dapat sila. Okay lang naman magkaroon, pero 'yung problemahin na kung paano masa-satisfy ang mga pangangailangan ng mga nobyo nila? That's the wrong part of it. Ako, noong ganoon ang edad ko, 'yung garter at bola lang na gagamitin namin sa Chinese garter at street football ang pinoproblema ko.
Hindi nila pinapahalagahan ang mga bagay na naging mahalaga din sa iba noon. Ako, inaamin ko sa sarili ko na I'm kind of primitive and old-fashioned when it comes to my values and principles. Including the intimacy of a two person with different genders. Including first kiss.
But my first kiss, unfortunately... I just lost it yesterday.
'Yung bagay na sana, naging espesyal para sa amin ng makakasama ko habang buhay. 'Yung bagay na hindi ko ibinigay sa mga exes ko.
Not that I don't love my exes. It's just that, my feelings for them are too shallow. Parang like lang or puppy love.
I didn't really take them seriously though because there's a lot of men out there who's willing to get my attention and pursue me for some damn title. Para lang masabi na napalambot si Willa. Para lang masabi na girlfriend nila ako. And me being the best player of that game, papatulan ko naman sila to get even.
They wanted to play that game, then we did. But I didn't promise that I would never play better, so some of them ended up hurting themselves in the process.
Yes, even my exes wasn't allowed to kiss me there, on my lips, dahil gusto ko sa lalaking totoong mamahalin ko at mamahalin din ako, gagawin ang mga bagay na 'yon. Ang gusto ko, 'yung pagmamahal na nakakalunod. Nag-uumapaw na tila hindi na kayo parehong makakaligtas pero handa pa rin kayong malunod.
But still, I gave that stranger the privilege to take it. I mean, I still unwillingly gave it rather. Ni wala nga kaming relasyon, eh. Ni hindi ko nga siya kilala.
I bit my lower lip, preventing myself to growl in guilt.
Isa pa itong nararamdaman ko. I feel guilty for doing such things with him. Intentionally or unintentionally, still, it's my fault that I let that happen. Bakit kasi hindi ko iniisip ang mga actions ko bago gawin ang mga 'yon?
Sa utak ko, naririnig ko na ang sasabihin ng nanay ko sa akin.
"Nabalitaan ko na may humalik sayo? Ang tanga mo naman, Willa! Bakit mo hinayaan?"
"Willa! Walanghiya ka! Hindi kita pinalaking malandi!"
Napailing ako sa naisip. Hindi. Hindi naman siguro sasabihin ni Mommy 'yon, 'no? Bungangera 'yon pero hindi naman siya ganoon magsalita.
Pero malay natin 'di ba? Ang taong galit, hindi nila name-measure ang sasabihin nila dahil preoccupied sila sa nararamdaman nila.
Grr, kinikilabutan tuloy ako.
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