The Unsaid Thoughts of the Ones Who Are Hurting

A Hopeless Soul's Potential Savior or Possible Goodbye

The pain, it's always there. In fact, it's been the only thing in my life that's constant for so long that I can't even remember when it started. I feel like I'm drowning, yet I can see everyone around me seeming to be staying above the water and breathing, both of which they appear to be doing with ease. How are they able to do that? How are they able to keep themselves happy? How are they able to avoid all of this pain? And why is it that none of them are able to see that I'm hurting and drowning the way that I am? Am I just hiding it way too well? I can see all of them oh so clearly so there isn't any reason why they couldn't see me drowning here beneath the surface. I also haven't surfaced in such a long time that there isn't any way it could just look like a swim. Why is it so easy to hide this pain when it is the most intense pain anyone could ever possibly feel? Its ability to be so easily hidden is the only reason I can think of that no one has noticed it yet. Maybe, somehow, I have found some way to disguise it so that it would seem like I'm just as normal, carefree, and happy as everyone else. I really wish I wasn't able to hide it; I need to find someone that can and will help me not be in this much pain anymore. That's why I scream the way I do. That's why I cry and beg and plead and shout for help. It never works, though; I'm not brave enough to make my calls for help loud enough to be heard by those across the canyon. Instead, the only call I can hear in return to my plea for help is my own echo. My echo, however, is never of any help. I have tried to just have a conversation about all this with my echo, in fact, I guess that's almost exactly the thing that I'm doing right now. No one other than myself will ever know anything that I say in here. Unfortunately, the echo conversations never seem to work, and why should they? All that ever happens is I hear repeated back to me the exact thing I just said. That's the only thing my echo ever does, so I never can get anywhere with those. Although, today, I did shout it at least slightly louder than normal, or, at least, I think I did. I heard someone at least sound like they were possibly offering to help, but it was so quiet, so faint, and so subtle that I don't have any way to be sure as of yet; although, if the past is any indicator; which it usually is; I probably misunderstood or misheard her. All she did today was tell me that I shouldn't talk myself down so much. She told me that she's noticed how often I do it and how much it could be actually keeping me from being my best. And I guess she did fight against me on the issue when I told her that everything I said had so much evidence pointing in such a way to make it seem true. She told me that my evidence wasn't enough proof for me to be able to call it true. I guess she did in a way convince me that maybe I'm not quite as bad as I thought, so I guess I should wait to set out that final note for a couple more days until I know for sure which of us was right and which one was wrong. But, if I was right, then our goodbyes might not be too far from tonight, my echo. Well, I guess I've told myself enough for the day. For now, my ever-repeating echo, I say goodnight. If I don't tell you anything else that you then tell back to me, that would mean that I have reached the final conclusion that I was wrong about her and that she was wrong about me, and I apologize if I don't say goodbye to you before I go.

- Leo