i wanna be yours // phan

seven

dan

i tapped my fingers against the counter, shifting uncomfortably. the strong smell of coffee and sugar were wafting all around me and filling my head with cloudy warmth, but it wasn't soothing me. something felt different. phil was standing next to me, going on about... well, the same old thing. her. and it wasn't helping my shot nerves. we had already ordered and standing there listening to him while we waited was torturous.

i glanced at him, trapping my lower lip between my teeth, a look of disapproval etched on my features, but he didn't notice. i tried not to admire the dreamy look on his face.

"phil," i said finally, a bit louder than i probably should have, cutting him off. he stopped, looking at me finally. "why don't you go out and wait at our table? make sure no one else gets it."

his gaze traveled over my face and i couldn't help shivering a little. after a second he nodded. "okay," he mumbled reluctantly. "you'll bring our drinks?"

i nodded. "yeah, of course. should i get extra cinnamon for yours?" i watched him glance at the table with various additions on it. he smiled.

"yeah, please." he patted my shoulder and my skin tingled. i smiled back half heartedly.

"i will, now go. i'll be right out."

he nodded and turned, making his way across the coffee shop. i watched the place where his shoulders moulded with his back move from under his shirt, imagining running my palms down it, giving special attention to any mole or imperfection i found as i went. i sighed and looked away. there was no end to thoughts like those. i wanted him, there was absolutely no avoiding it.

finally a girl called my name and i stepped up to the counter, taking my own hot drink and phil's from her with a smile. already i could feel myself calming down, out of phil's personal bubble of heartache.

that was until i turned around.

i took a step away from the counter to make way for a man also getting his order, but i wasn't looking where i was going and ran straight into a girl. one of the drinks slipped from my hand and fell to the floor, but the other hit my chest from the impact. i gasped, the burning liquid soaking through my shirt immediately. it took me a second to even process what had happened before i looked up to see the culprit.

it was a girl, a little shorter than me but not by too much at all. she wasn't skinny, but she certainly wasn't overweight either- she had a sort of soft pudginess quality to her while still having a fairly small waist. her hair was long and fairly straight and a chestnut brown color, and she had matching eyes, freckles sprinkling her cheeks and across the bridge of her nose, a small delicate seeming button nose. she looked concerned and shocked, her full lips pulled apart in surprise.

instantly a wave of heavy dizziness washed over me. i grabbed for the counter behind me to catch my balance, my mind reeling. oh.

the girl reached out to touch my arm, concern etched on her pretty features. "oh god, are you okay? i am so sorry. let me get you napkins, and-"

i couldn't hear her. i couldn't hear anything. my ears were ringing and my stomach was writhing and i couldn't tell if it was just the side effects or the immeasurable dread that was flooding through me at an incredible rate.

no, no, no. i'm not ready!

i managed to force my face up to meet her eyes and a shock ran through my entire body. there was no doubt in my mind now. this was phil's soulmate. this was the girl that had been plaguing my life for years now, but my instincts as her string kept me from even feeling hatred.

"are you okay?" she repeated, and i managed to shake my head. i pushed past her, rushing toward the bathrooms. i needed to sit down, i needed quiet. i needed to go somewhere where i could get rid of this feeling of horror, and the deeper, primal feeling of sick relief.

i had found her, like phil wanted. the only thing phil wanted.

but phil couldn't know.

--
FUCKI'M LEAVING FOR INDIA TOMORROW CAN U BELIEVE
-roo

( thats where i live btw - annanya )