Please | Demi Lovato

10

Demi

I stayed sitting on the balcony for a long time, immersed in my thoughts. It was such a frustratingly hard position to be in. I had Wilmer just out of reach, but it was impossible for me to get any closer. It wasn't like we had a fight and broke up, it was simply quitting him cold turkey. I didn't even have anger to stop myself from thinking of him. It was like we were in love, and the he was gone.

"MOMMA?!"

I jumped out of my chair so fast I got lightheaded, and stumbled back into the hotel room. Emily was sitting up straight, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm right here." I said, getting on the bed and pulling her against me. 

"You weren't here." She whimpered, her fingers fisting my t-shirt. "The bad man!"

"He's not gonna hurt you." I murmured, tightening my hood around her. "I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you ever again."

She continued to cry, her tears staining my shirt that she maintained her death-grip on. Eventually, I gave up on soothing her and simply laid back with her on my chest, letting her cry it out. This had happened last week, when she woke up screaming from a nightmare she wouldn't talk about. All I could do was wait it out.

Kelsey came in after a little while, after Emily had finally exhausted herself back to sleep.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, once she got closer and saw the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Yeah." I smiled and carefully moved Emily off of me, but kept one hand on her back as I sat up. She wrinkled her nose and wrapped one arm around my thigh, snuggling into my leg. "She has... I don't know what they are, episodes? She gets so scared and I can't figure out how to calm her down. She just cries until she falls asleep, then wakes up and won't talk about it."

"Hopefully the therapy will help."

"Hopefully." I sighed and looked down at her. "I just don't want her to turn out the way I did."

Kelsey watched my face for a moment. "That really scares you, doesn't it?"

"Of course it does. How could it not? She's been through even more than me, it's almost inevitable."

"She has you though."

"I don't know how much help I'll be." I bit my lip. "Her odds would be better with Wilmer in the picture... both of our odds will be."

"You don't think he'll come to his senses?"

"No." I smiled sadly and shook my head. "He's made his decision, and I have to respect it."

"Would you take him back?"

"I don't know." I looked down at Emily and gently smoothed her hair back. "I'm so disappointed in him, and hurt. We were supposed to be in this together, that's what marriage is supposed to mean. That's what I thought our marriage was. You don't know how much it scares me that he doesn't want kids, because that's what we've always wanted."

Kelsey nodded. "It's not wrong to miss him."

"I can't even think about it." I felt my eyes begin to sting and swallowed hard. "He's everything to me, absolutely everything." The tears spilled over and I quickly wiped at them. "I miss him." She pulled me into a hug and I closed my eyes. "I know I have to be strong, for Emily. I know that, but I just want to cry all the time. I'm tired of sleeping alone."

My voice cracked on the last word and I finally broke, submitting to the tidal wave of emotions I felt. I leaned my head on Kelsey's shoulder and she wrapped her arms around me. I didn't know how to express how much my heart hurt over losing Wilmer.