Choices

|IV|✔️

If you enter this world knowing you are loved, and you leave knowing the same, then everything in between can be dealt with.
-Micheal Jackson

Calista

I've been sitting in this room for about 5 hours, Phoenix said to wait here and he would be back with some things.

I lost faith in that promise about 3 hours ago. I mean maybe he died and it's not his fault as to why he's taking so long. But if he did die I would know, not sure how but it would be known.

Getting tired of just sitting on the bed, I got up and walked downstairs. There was loud laughter coming from the kitchen so I decided that's where I was going to go.

Opening the door all commotion stopped and to my surprise there Phoenix was with a girl on his lap and his arm around her waist.

Everything went back to normal except for Phoenix whose stare was on me. Ignoring his presence I got a glass of water as well as an apple and walked back up to my room.

Ace wasn't here so I was a little more free to do what I wanted.

Prior to me exiting the kitchen I heard Phoenix excuse himself and his light footsteps trail behind me.

"Calista?" His voice was soft, hesitant almost. But I didn't want to hear it.

I wasn't hurt about the fact that he held me last night and now he has another girl.

I'm more annoyed with the fact that I trusted him so easily and for being naive.

Of course last night meant nothing. We weren't even friends. He was just helping.

I made it to the door of my room and was about to close it when I hand entered through the crack. Just his hand was enough for him to push his whole body through the door and pin me against the wall.

"Hi" he said with a goofy grin. Rolling me eyes I stayed silent.

Seeing as I wasn't in the mood, his smile dropped and his shoulders tensed a bit.

"So, Uh-um- I'm s-sorry?"

"Are you really? Because you seem to have no clue as to what you're sorry about."

"Yea.. Why am I sorry?"

"You left me in the room waiting for you for 5 fucking hours so you could go to the store although I doubt you even did!"

"Oh, so you're not mad about the girl?"

I snorted, a very unattractive snort at that, "I couldn't give a fuck. We're not friends. Shit, we're hardly acquaintances. You're just helping me and then when we're both out of here I'll forget about your pathetic ass and you'll forget about my worthless self."

I saw a flash of sadness go through his eyes and his grip loosened. Before it was replaced with anger and his grip got painful.

I let out a sharp intake a breath when I felt pain shoot to my bullet wound but tried to keep my face as emotionless as possible.

"Listen here slut! You will not speak to me like that, no matter how cool you think we are you will not treat me as an equal you got that? Because I am so much better than a little bitch who can't keep her feelings in tact. You're nothing but a worthless piece of shit who people think may be a good fuck. After we're out of this shit hole you will never speak to me again, GOT IT!?"

Right now his grip was so tight that his nails dug through my skin and drew blood and I could feel the bruises starting to form.

"No problem" I choked out as a few tears fell from my eyes due to physical and mental pain. As his actions reminded me of Malcom.

His eyes softened a bit and then he let go of my arms like they were poison. His breath caught in his throat when he saw what he did and he tried to reach for me.

I opened my mouth and screamed knowing one of the other members would hear and maybe help me.

To my luck they all did and in 5 seconds flat I was being lifted and carried to the bathroom while Phoenix thrashed around in two of the members holds while they escorted him out. "WAIT CALISTA IM SORRY!" He choked

"Hey love" the member that was holding me said. I believe they called him Bear.

He set me down on the counter and grabbed my chin with his two fingers making me look at him. "You're ok, ok? Well take care of him"

"Are you going to kill him?"

"No" he chuckled. "He will just be secluded from the rest of the gang for the week" he must've seen my confused expression because he chuckled again. "He'll be a prisoner until Ace says otherwise"

I just nodded my head and let Bear clean my wounds as well as my bullet wound.

After about thirty minutes he was done and asked if I was hungry. I shook my head no and asked if he could just take me to my room so I could sleep.

He nodded his head and carried me bridal style to my room and set me on my bed where I fell asleep within seconds.

"Goodnight love."

~*~*

Phoenix

I hurt Calista. I didn't mean to but I did and it's bad. It's really bad.

I just got really angry and my bad side came out. It's only ever happened a handful of times but I've never hurt anyone. I would never hurt Calista on purpose, she's too fragile. Like a rose.

I feel really bad. I didn't mean to.

I didn't mean to.

I didn't mean to.

It was on accident

It was on accident

You're were an accident

No

You're not supposed to be alive

Stop!

You might as well just stop breathing now

Please. Stop..

Just kill yourself. No ones going to miss you. The one person who may have, you hurt and now she'll never talk to you again. You have no worth or purpose on this earth so why are you still here.

I gave up on arguing because I knew it was true. My demons are always right and as much as I don't want them to be my brain can't convince me otherwise.

Looking around I had found a nail on the floor and contributed to the designs on my arm. I made it look pretty. I didn't like the way just normal cuts looked so I made them look appealing.

I knew Calista cut too which was partially why I was attracted to her because she knew what I was going through. Probably not to the same extent but still.

I fell asleep that night thinking about how I hurt Calista. Even if she forgives me I would still hate myself.

I would still be a bad person.

I would always be a bad person.

There was no changing that.