Build Me Up, Hold Me Down

Who can love me?

Nischia's POV:

(In the past)

Often, people tend to look at the appearance on the outside without giving one fuck about what the inside has to offer.

It's like buying a home, the outside is beautifully built with brick, the grass is as green as a crayon, the trees are tall and fully clothed with leaves but on the inside there's no furniture, it's cold and lonely and the rooms are so small you can hardly breathe.

People take one look at me or where I live and automatically assume that I have no worries. People assume that just because I live in a five bedroom house that my life is all peaches and cream when they don't even know the half.

They don't know that at one point in my life,  I lived with no hot water for over a year because the bill was too high, they don't know that there never was and never is any food because it's too many people in and out of here, they don't know that when the sunsets, a monster name Dee use to surface but most importantly, they don't know because the outside presumed itself.

~~~

Being in this house, you had to be mentally strong to deal with all of the drama. I would find myself locked inside my room just to hide from the reality of what was outside my door. my mind wanted to ignore it and My body wanted to protect and shield itself from the evil.

I was tired of dealing with it all. Tired of hearing Dee yelling and breaking shit just to turn around and hear the head board hitting the wall, I was tired of having a brother who hit me just because he didn't like the way I said something but honestly, I was physically tired of living.

I never asked for this. I never once asked to be in a predicament where I never felt safe even with the people who claimed to love me.

I could remember this day so clear. My mom had let my bestfriend Lexus spend the night since her mom was nowhere to be found, We were in the kitchen eating chinese food when my brother came in with a brown paper bag full of shrimp.

He didn't acknowledge me and I didn't acknowledge him which didn't stop him from speaking to Lexus. I remember him asking her did she want some shrimp without muttering one word to me. I kept eating my beef and broccoli in silence while him and her talked about shit that didn't concern me.

I knew Rakeem didn't like me. People would try to excuse it for being because we're only four years apart so that made it normal but I believed different. Rakeem would get angry at me just for saying "Hi" to him so how is that normal?

I got up from the table, walking to the sink to wash my bowl. Since I always did clean up around the house, I started to clean the kitchen before returning to my room and thats when everything started.

The brown paper bag that once was filled with shrimp was just lying on the counter crumbled up. I went to reach for the bag to throw it away when Rakeem yelled "Naw, I'm using it".

In my mind, I wondered how the hell was he using it when it was balled up on the counter top. I didn't find it necessary to fight over a fuckin paper bag but at the same time I knew Keem. I knew that the same brown paper bag was going to be sitting on the counter, unused until the next day when someone else threw it away.

As I grabbed the bag to throw it away, Keem snatches it and starts yelling.

"I just fuckin told you I'm using it so why the fuck do you keep trying to throw it away? "

"Ke, the bag is just thrown on the counter, I'm just trying to clean up before I go upstairs" I say still holding on to the bag.

"Man, watch out" Keem says while pushing me to grab the bag out of me hand but ends up ripping it.

I let go and began to walk away when he hit me in my mouth.

"I told your fat ass I was using the bag" He yelled.

Touching my lip, I began to cry. I couldn't take this shit anymore. I couldn't fuckin stand being here.

I ran up to my room and began destroying it. My b2k posters that once covered the wall was ripped, the stereo I had mounted on my wall was thrown across the room and every item I had on my dresser was knocked on the floor.

I was tired. Tired of living with a family whose suppose to protect you but are the first one's to hurt you.

I hadn't realized I was screaming while doing this until my mom had ran into my room.

"Nischia, what is going on?" She asked looking around my room.

"I hate being here" I screamed yanking clothes out of my closet.

"I hate living in a household with a nigga who can't keep his hands to hisself and off of you, I hate living in a house with a brother who hates my freakin guts, I hate living in a house where I'm scared to even invite friends over, afraid that Dee may start breaking stuff or that if I touch a freakin paper bag, ima get hit.

People don't know what it's like being a child growing up in a household that you never feel safe in. People don't understand the seriousness of having to boil pots of water on the stove just to take a hot bath, people don't understand what it's like to cry yourself at sleep at night to the sound of glass breaking and shit being thrown across the room and hitting the wall. People don't understand what it's like to have the constant thought of wondering if he get's tired of trying to abuse her will he start trying to hit me.

"Ma, I hate it here"

And I meant that. I hated this place that I called a home.

~~~

A/N:

I know it's not much but my ass haven't been up to writing. I've been feeling a little down about my aunt's passing and whatever else is going on in this damn world of mine. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, like I said I wasn't really up for writing so if you don't like it then I really don't know what to tell you because I've been open about what I'm going through.

Anyway. Love you guys!

Treese❤