Build Me Up, Hold Me Down

Who Am I?

Nischia's POV:

(In the past)

How can someone claim to love you yet manage to hurt you?

Laying back on my bed, my mind began to drift back to all the men I had encountered in my life.

My father

My brother's

Mom's Boyfriends

Dominic

I didn't know whether it was me or the men that surrounded me but it seemed that one by one, each of them became no good.

Thinking back, the first person to truly open my blinded eyes was daddy.

~~~

At a point in my life, my father use to be my everything. He was my king, my protector and my hero. Daddy always told me that I was his princess and to never forget that I was special.

Daddy would take me to the playground, buy me ice cream at the corner store and buy me a new barbie every payday for my barbie dream house.

Guess you can say I was truly a daddy's girl as a child but as I got older, things just wasn't the same. My mom and dad were never married, things ended between them once she found out that he had married my grandfather's mistress just to keep her in the states.

After the break up, I honestly believe my father stopped caring. His love for me became less and less as the years progressed. I went from seeing him everyday to seeing him every weekend to seeing him every other week and then to seeing him whenever he was available.

Daddy went from being my king to being a complete stranger in a few simple years.

My mom would tell me not to feel bad because he was like that with all of his kids. I had one older sister and three older brothers on his side but in my mind, I believed I could change him. I thought that I would be different, I wanted to believe that I was special enough to make my daddy stay but I couldn't.

Daddy moved when I was 10, took me out to Red Robin for a hour, gave me a USED ipod and told me he was moving to Nebraska in two week's. He never asked how I felt about him leaving, he didn't even give me time to tell him that he couldn't go. I wanted to tell him that I needed him, I needed him to stay because a king never leaves his princess but I couldn't, all I got was a quick peck on the forehead and daddy was in his car driving back home to his precious wife.

He never came back, he left me. Sure he would call, wait! no, I had to call him but what good was that? A girl needs her father and mine wasn't there. He wasn't there to tell me I couldn't have a boyfriend until I was 35, he wasn't there to wipe my tears and tell me I was the only man he needed when my first real boyfriend shattered my heart, daddy wasn't there to tell me that guys only wanted the cookie and not the one with chocolate chips on it.

Daddy missed his little girl growing up, daddy missed his little girl becoming a woman because of what?

Pussy?

How could he just choose her?

What was wrong with me that I couldn't make him stay?

Why couldn't I be the one to change him?

I didn't realize I was crying until the salty droplet slid down to my lip. I began to realize that I had lost my father to the strongest drug for a man and I doubt that I would ever get him back.

~~~

Boom!

Boom!

Boom!