Death's Caress - kyungjeong

Eight

"Because Jeong, you push me away. A lot," Kyungil answered honestly. "I want to help you, YiJeong. I get sick of watching you allow others to beat and berate you so easily. You allow your friends to do it too and I know it bothers you more than you let on."

"I'm not intentionally trying to push you away, Kyungil. I get scared that you're going to get sick of me if I ask for too much so I don't like to ask for your help. I care about you, okay? I'm afraid to be alone so I don't want to push my luck. I've already lost my parents, and my uncle can't stand me, I don't want to make you leave too," YiJeong speaks softly into the pillow his face is smushed against. He knows the reaper can hear him anyways.

"And if I didn't care about you, I would've left already. I try to help you because I do care, so could you please stop trying to convince me not to get involved," Kyungil reply's, walking over to the side of the bed the younger man is laying on.

Instead of getting a reply, Kyungil hears YiJeong beginning to sniffle. YiJeong is genuinely afraid that if he acts the way he really wants to, he'll lose everyone. His small group of five friends, the reaper, dokyun (though this one wouldn't bother him much). Dokyun may not treat him well, but he's the only real family that keeps in contact, even if he abuses the boy.

"why are you about to cry? you have absolutely no reason to believe i'm going to just leave you to be alone. you've been alone for the last sixteen years aside from me, have faith in me. I have been given many opportunities to leave, yet i'm here, and do you know why? because I got to witness you grow into such a great person. I was able to witness you become an adult and expand your creativity in so many ways. you're important YiJeong, you always have been. even when you were a child, you impressed me in so many ways. I care, so I stay," Kyungil finishes up his dialogue.

"but you could be free. you could doing what you are meant to do without the burden of having to come back and check on me. If I acted the way I wanted to around you kyungil, i'd lose everything. I know you can tell i'm unhappy, that I struggle with being myself. I don't want to be a bigger nuisance than I already am." YiJeong was thoroughly convinced he should be alone, forever.

He didn't know what exactly triggered the feeling of always being so low, but he hated it. YiJeong hated that he was always pushing kyungil away, he hated that he was always turning the problems into something bigger than they had to be. but he also couldn't stop.

"whatever you're thinking about, stop. you seriously need to snap out of whatever has you acting this way YiJeong. I know you okay, and I know that you're thinking about something that's only going to further deteriorate your mood. so please, for the love of god, stop."

and yes YiJeong giggles even though moment isn't right, because this reaper, this dead reaper was talking about a god. "you're talking about a god? you of all people? this just isn't right."

and Kyungil can only sigh because he's clearly getting nowhere with the insolent young adult. "i'll come back in a minute with something for you to eat, after that you need to sleep and allow yourself to get your shit together."

and with that, Kyungil is gone, leaving YiJeong alone with his thoughts. and maybe he even prefers it this way because now the reaper isn't around to tell him to stop frowning and get his shit together. if it were up to YiJeong, he'd be happy again. he'd allow all the negativity he has in his life to slip away.

but it isn't up to him, and he can't let it all go. but he can at least try to convince himself that it's okay to rely on the old asshole he calls Kyungil sometimes. maybe he should stop trying to hold it all in, because the battles he continues to fight are becoming harder and harder.

-

it's just after midnight and YiJeong is back in bed, his body sprawled all across the large blanket he jumped on moments ago. just a few hours before he and Kyungil had been bickering and trying to convince one another of something. after the reaper had come back with a pizza and a large pop, YiJeong ate in silence, no longer trying to bother the reaper with his petty issues.

if the reaper had noticed, he didn't comment, because he too had been in a deep thought. how could he make the younger understand that life didn't always have to be so negative.

"are you gonna stand in the corner like that all night, or?" YiJeong called out after glancing up to see the reaper standing with his back to the bed and facing the wall like a child in trouble. "why are you even facing that way?"

Kyungil slowly turned around and gazed at the boy before answering,"maybe I like the color of the wall, and no I won't stand here all night."

"okay, well i'm going to bed. I have classes tomorrow unlike you," YiJeong answers briskly before wrapping the covers around his body like a cocoon.

"goodnight Jeong."

"night reaper."

_

I really don't know what i'm doing anymore. I don't even know what the dialogue is about. why are they even arguing? I think my real life stress is slowly seeping into this story and causing it to be angsty and shit. this is total shit and I acknowledge that, so kudos to you if you're reading this because I surely wouldn't lmao.