Without A Trace >> Dean Winchester

39 | Restless Heart

39 | Restless Heart

Dean.

Dean friggin Winchester.

That boy somehow manages to make me a wreck emotionally and physically. Why? Can't I just shoo him out of my life and live on?

Castiel and I are seated side by side on the edge of my bed, and I'm patching him up, wrapping a bandage around his stomach. He told me how he had took the bullet out from his stomach by himself yesterday and killed the angel that was keeping an eye on him, escaped out of the diner before the police arrived, and stumble upon the forest just like me. he's shirtless and has a far-away look in his eyes—staring at the wall so intensely, as if counting the number of specks and molecules. What a funny man.

After Sam and Dean had taken Castiel and I to the bunker, I had tend to his wound instantly before he had even waken up from his fainting. I refused to be on speaking terms with Dean, I'm still licking my wounds from the deep cut of Dean's hurtful words. I could feel him glance at me time to time as I was helping with Cas, but I didn't return his gaze. So he thinks after gazing at me with those..those enigmatic green eyes of him, everything will be patched up and alright? That we'd act like nothing happened?

No.

Sam insisted that I stayed over the night, and quickly added that I should stay with them and talk out the misunderstanding with Dean the day after. Me being too vulnerably sleepy, I gratefully accepted the overnight stay in my own room, and told him I'd gather my stuff, and leave the next day.

Dean doesn't need me, I'm just a hindrance to their stupid three trials after all, right? They're better off their own as the freaking legendary Winchester Brothers.

When I told Sam this, he gave me his iconic sad puppy eyes, ( which I ALMOST gave in to, by the way ) but gave me one big hug as a goodbye, and I marched right straight to my room right after. My room was still the same as I left it—messy, but I felt like it symbolised a big part in me, because it was the home they offered to me. But my sentimental mood was over after my mind replayed Dean's words like a broken recorder. Like please, someone hurl that broken recorder to the other side of the Earth and don't let me see it ever again. 

As I finished up bandaging his stomach, I take a glance at my music sheets that were all scattered all over my desk. I had finally completed composing the song, and I had poured all my hard work and dedication to it. I thought about each lyric very carefully since day 1 of composing, but all that went down the drain when the person I'm dedicating the song to is being an ass.

My eyes transfer to Mr. Boo, who was sitting idly on top of my pillow, wearing his usual cute smile and the eye catching red ribbon tied around the neck. My hand unconsciously reaches over and grab it, hugging it to my chest. In that instant, I'm reminded by a flood of good memories. Why do the memories keep coming back, tapping me on the shoulder with a big ass complimentary gift of complicated, intricate, complex emotions ?

I could go on.

"as long as you have Mr. Boo with you, I will always be with you. No matter what or who separates us" Dean told me then, when he gifted me the teddy bear. We sealed that oath of his with a pinky promise.

Looks like someone didn't keep their promise that very day.

Up to now, I'm still wondering how could his words be fake? His affection towards me? ...the memories?