Without The Love ||Jiley||

Chapter 26

Oh god guys, I was very emotional writing this chapter, so I suggest you listen to the song In my veins - Andrew belle ft. Erin McCarley ♡♥♡♥♡♥

With weary eyes I drove back home around 11 PM. I've been driving the whole day, ignoring any incoming calls. Which included 6 missed calls from my mom and dad together, 8 from Justin and 3 from Katy. I parked the car in the garage. My mom stormed inside. "Where in gods sake have you been! We've been worrying all day about you." She snapped out. Frustrated I stayed seated. "Want me to dissappear again?" I yelled at her. Anger took the best of me. "No I don't but-" "Then stop shouting at me and leave me alone! Don't you see this is all your fault?" I shouted at her and widened my eyes. I couldn't believe I said that. Terrified that she'd notice, I slammed the door of the garage close and ran up stairs, my cheeks were wet again from the tears streaming down. I locked my bedroom door and crashed on my bed my face hiding in the pillow. I don't really remember how I got to sleep but I do know it was a long and deep one, because I woke up around 1 in the afternoon. I heard knocks on my door. I heard Justin's voice through the door cracks. After five minutes he went away again.

That's where I am right now. I can hear my parents talking with him downstairs. They both have awful disgusting secrets. Fully dressed up I sit in my chair on my balcony. "Miles please open the door. I don't even know what we're fighting about." He says. I sigh. Closing my eyes, I hope he goes away again. "Please. I've been worried about you. Just open the god damn door you don't have to talk to me." He says. Tired of all his talking, I stand up, unlock the door and walk back to my balcony. I hear the door opening. Footsteps coming closer. I stare blankly ahead. The wind starts to form into a storm again. I feel his hand touching my shoulder. I jerk it away. "What have I done to-" "You know damn well what you've done." I hiss at him. "I don't know what you're talking about I told you about-" "Please! Stop okay?" I sighed deeply after that said. It was more of a -trying to keep my tears in- sigh. Oh and it was hard staying strong infront of him. He drags a chair from out my room and places it next to mine. I turn my head away. There's no exact point where I'm staring at, everything is better than looking at his face right now. It's like my life is one big lie. And everyone is part of it, my parents, my friends and enemies, name someone and she or he's in it. Justin remains silent. I need to do something. "You know, when I stepped into this relationship three months ago, I absolutely didn't expect something like this from you." I say, a soft tremble in my voice. He remains silent again. "I thought that.. we'd make it further than three months." I sigh. Burrying my face in my hands, I hear something from inside his pocket. "It's not what it seems." He says on a dry tone. His hands are rested and folded on his legs. "I should've stayed with Liam. If I did, this all wouldn't even happen to me. Taylor wouldn't stalk me, rape me and torture me and I wouldn't feel the pain what you've caused me." I sniff. A tear is gaining water in the corner of my eye. "I.. I can't tell you what happened, but I just wanted to tell you that.." He bows his head down. "That I'm everything but happy with the things I did. In the end it's all for you again." He says trying to make eyecontact. I give in, glancing him a quick look. His eyes look hurtful. "I don't even want you here talking to me. You're only making it worse for me." My voice fades into a loud whisper. "You're ruining my life.. And if it's all for me, why can't I know what you're doing for me?" I ask and look into his eyes. Two warm, new tears begin their way down my face. "I can't tell you.. I understand that you don't wanna see me anymore and I accept that. Whatever or wherever you wanna go, into a new relationship, or something else you're free to go for me. I just wanted you to know that I didn't want this, and that I'm doing it all for you. I still love you, I know it's over. I hope to speak to you one day. Maybe months or years will pass, but the way I feel for you, would never change." His last words slide out like the truth. They sounded bitter, like he actually meant it. And I have a bonus sense for those kind of things. I breathe in deeply. The sky gets dark as more wind begins to form around us. The last sun rays dissappear and so does my "good" mood. He stands up and walks away. I turn my head, seeing he's actually leaving. Torned, I curl up in the chair till my eyes can't take anymore tears. Taylor's plan succeeded... With that thought, I can't even stand going to school Monday. I can't even handle coming outside my bedroom doors. I wish I could just take the first train to somewhere I won't have any stress or lies in my life. Then, realization hit me. I'm alone now. I can't hide and tell my fears and mistakes in his arms anymore. Completely left out... A sudden impuls has gotten into me. I slam my bathroom door open and jerk the drawer to me. Two pills lay in my hand. I pop them both, as I feel myself drifting away from reality. I don't think I'd wish that I never begun with these pills. I can't stay inside house forever, I need to get more pills.

Short one, sorry. I had to! It's better to start a new chapter right now.

PLEASE COMMENT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT SO FAR. I'm kinda missing the fun part about writing... the comments ofcourse!