Poems & Short Stories

The Things I Can Not Say

I write because it is the only way,
I can say the things I want to say,
I write because I want to say these things but the words will not,
Can not come out.

Because when I say these monologues and poems about depression and suicide,
Shootings and bullying,
People will call me a fake,
And say that these things could not have possibly happened.

So I hide behind a screen where you can not hear me speak,
Where you can not see my face,
But you can see a piece of my heart and soul,
That is something I can not put into words when I speak.

People are judgmental and in some cases discriminating imbeciles,
Because when people see me I am helpless,
They think that I am weak because I am forced to deal with physical and mental pain,
Nearly every day I have to hide it.

But when I write,
When I write I can say the things that I want to say,
Here I can be myself where nobody knows my name,
They don't know the pain.

I can not say the the things I want to say because with social media,
Being the way things are if I said the things I really wanted to say,
One person is all it takes to show another who shows another,
Until it finds its way to someone in my family.

And I can never live it down,
Because they all come from small religious towns,
And have small town and religious minds,
But I did not grow up in a small town and I do not have a religious mind.

I am the only one that I know of that is not but I do not know for sure,
Because I do not know if they are afraid to speak their minds,
And stand up for themselves and their beliefs in front of them like I am.
I love my family but I can not say the things I want to say to them.

But when I write...
When I write my words are printed in ink on paper,
They are trapped on the internet and will be there forever.
Because when I write.

I can write the things I want to say.

Written June 13th, 2018