disclaimer: this is not a poem
For the past years of my life all I wanted was to be loved, like really loved back. Yes, it was granted but it didn't last long.
They gave me different reasons why they loved me. It's because of my laugh, smiles, physical appearance, sense of humor, how I'm affectionate to other people, how I love God, how I value my family and how I try to understand things despite of its complexity.
Those reasons were true. I believed them. Because I knew I did those things when I was with them, as a friend or not. However, they didn't stay in love.
Is it my fault? Because some of those people I have mentioned are happy now, is it my fault that I have high standards? When in fact, it wasn't my standards that are high but my insecurities.
I was too scared of them seeing imperfection in me so I chased them away. Yet, it didn't hurt less.
Is it still my fault that after I did those they were gone? Is it my fault? Or they just got tired pretty quickly?
I don't doubt their love. However, I doubt their consistency. I doubt about my self. My worth. I doubt about everything.
And it's eating me alive.
Stay. That's all I ask for. Stay in love with me. Stay happy with me. That's all I want.
I don't want those fictional book characters that the traits and looks are out of this world. I want someone real. Authentic. Someone that I could call mine.
11:23 pm
