I actually don't have plans on updating TODAY because we have to go somewhere BUT we're still not going. So... here's an update! ^_^ Enjoy!
(TRIGGER WARNING: (suicide & self-harm) read at your own risk. if you're sensitive to this kind of topic, don't read the part i'll indicate as trigger warning starts up until it ended okay? i don't want to trigger any of u :< )
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"Yes, mom. I've decided already." I told mom who's bugging me if I'll come with them to Jeju Island tomorrow.
"Yeah. It's for good, mom." I answered to her when she asked me.
"Yeah, mom. See you tomorrow. I love you. Tell Dad and Taegook that I'll see them tomorrow." I told mom and hanged up.
Suddenly, I got a call from Woocas couple. These two changed their contact name in my phone?!
"Yo man!" Lucas greeted me and I chuckled. He never change.
"Hi, Taeyong!" I heard Jungwoo greeted softly.
"Hey, wassup." I answered back and they laughed at me. Lucas is slowly influencing me, really.
"Do you have plans tomorrow? We thought we should invite you in our housewarming party, you can invite Jaehyun your loves!" Lucas invited, I frown from their invitation.
"Sorry, I can't. You know, it's about the Jeju thingy." I told them and I received ohhs from them.
"Oh. Yeah. Does he know already?" They asked me. I shook my head even though they can't see me.
"No. I'll be leaving 4am anyway, he's not awake at that moment." I told them.
"Oh. Okay. Have a safe drive, Taeyong!" They told me.
"Of course. Bye. I'm sorry!" I told them.
"It's fine! Bye!" They bid and hanged up the call.
I locked my phone and slid it in my pocket.
This is for good. For good. For good. I sighed heavily.
I turned around and saw Jaehyun looking at me intensely.
"Been waiting for too long?" I asked him and get closer to him.
"Hmm. Who was that?" He asked me. I smiled at him brightly. Will he get jealous? But I have to be honest.
"It's mom and then, Lucas and Jungwoo." I told him. He nodded slowly and walked back to the dining table.
"What did Lucas and Jungwoo said?" He sharply asked me. This guy is jealous, I can feel.
"They invited me to their housewarming, they even told me to bring my Jaehyun but I declined. I need to come with Mom, Dad and Taegook tomorrow." I told him and sat across him. He nodded slowly.
"Let's continue eating." He announced and gave me a thin lips smiled.
I hate this feeling.
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We are now laying on our bed awkwardly. This is the first time we will sleep beside each other after our break-up. I glance at him and his eyes is now closed but I can see him breathe sharply.
"Why did you dropped out from school, Jaehyun? Can you answer please answer it? Don't pretend sleeping because I know you're not." I pleaded to him.
At lunch, I asked him about this too but suddenly, I received a call from mom. I really want to know.
"Do you really want to know?" He asked me and sighed heavily. I looked at him and nodded.
"But after this, don't blame yourself, okay?" He told me but my tears started to escape. I covered my eyes with my arm. I nodded.
Even if he doesn't answer it, I got the answer I needed. It was my fault. His dad told me I completed him but now I broke him. I messed him up. I cried silently while waiting for him to answer.
(Trigger warning starts)
"I already told you that I saw you at the field, right?" He asked me and I nodded again.
"That was my last day, for me." I was in awe.
"What last day?" I asked him, looking at him.
"Last day of my life. I am planning to take my life. I'm planning to kill myself that day. I'm making my last mistake. I'm giving the last favor people wants." He explained. I held his hand and squeezed it.
I can't imagine now my life without him.
"I saw you crying on the field. Looking so desperate. I thought you're like me. I thought, oh there's someone like me. But I fucked the guy and still planning to kill myself."
"But that night I was about to hang myself... I saw the visions of you... smiling, laughing and it's making me feel that it is because of me..."
"I stopped. I kept all the hanging materials and burn it. Maybe you'll be the reason I'll live for and hell yeah, you fucking are." He laughed bitterly and slowly his tears started to fall. I wiped his tears and held his hands again, I squeezed it.
"Then fast forward to the time that I'm supposed to meet you at Japan. I was so fucking excited. I'm going to see my everything. I'm going to see my life. I'm going to see you."
"And fuck, it hurts more than death to see you kissing someone else. I thought that maybe I really am useless. Maybe everybody can make you laugh. Maybe I'm not the reason of your smiles, laughters... maybe I saw wrong visions..."
"I was a messed. I tried kissing someone else but I'm still thinking of you... and when I go to school, all I think is you... all I see is you... all I can feel is you... I can't change my seat... because it still feels like you're with me... you're just in the bathroom or a professor called for you... that you're still with me..."
"But you're not... you're fucking not mine anymore... you're someone else's kisser, lover... I thought... so I quit school... and overdosed myself with alcohol..."
"Because they said you can forget someone by drinking...yeah, i forget you when i'm drunk than i start to sober up and sobs your name again... so i drink again... sleep but still dream of you so i'll drink right away and sleep... and drink... but i got used to it because while drinking, even when i'm drunk i still call for your name..."
"So i bang my headon the wall... maybe i'll have an ammesia and forget you... i bang it until it bleed and until i faint... and bang it again when i remember you..."
I looked at my bruised Jae. I kissed every bruise he have. He have a lot from his forehead.
I pulled his knuckles and kissed his bruises there.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." I apologized to him repeatedly. He smiled at me bitterly.
(Trigger warning ended)
"I'm fucking whipped and head over heels for you, Lee Taeyong. How can I not forgive you?" He chuckled bitterly and kissed me on my forehead.
He wrapped his arms and legs around me and I rested my head on his chest. Just like how we used to.
"Let's sleep." He ordered and so I closed my eyes wishing this won't end.
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Another day, another update!
I hope this will mend your heart. ♥
Has anyone here watched "Call me by your name"? If you haven't then go watch it, it's a freaking great movie!!!! ♥
Thank you so much for reading!! ♥ (4 more chapters!!!)
---Aree
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my fxxkboy | jaeyong
RandomA perfect student council member confessed to a fuckboy.
