Random Autobiography (No Schedule)

Show your pride RT45

So, for pride month, I would like to come out of my closet and say that I am bisexual.

I may have mentioned this before but this is to clarify it.

Now, if you do not support any type of pride, don't be offended or leave any rude comments. Only love is allowed. Homo or not.

The rest of this chapter is about how I discover and live with my bisexuality and more about me and my life. If you're not interested, you are allowed to skip this chapter.

The thing is, I was not treated right by men when I was younger. They were rude and disrespectful.

I had a guy friend that I had a crush on around nine. He was like the only guy my age that I really knew. I was gonna ask him out one day but on the same day, I found out he already had a girlfriend.

It took everything I had in that moment to not burst out in tears.

From then on, I didn't really talk to guys much apart from small talk. I had 3 guys crush on me in elementary and at least 4 in middle school (one who straight up asked me out even though we barely knew each other).

I guess I attracted men? I didn't really know. I still don't. But I became more independent, becoming stronger through emotions and strength. My grandma came to me when she couldn't open that jar of Prego sauce or 2-liter bottle.

I still can't do one pull up but I still have some strength.

I now realise that I started to show some more "masculine" traits such as not trying to cry and making the first moves (going to ask my guy friend out). I always had a lot of girls in my life. My mom, my sisters, my grandma, my best girl friends. There were always girls that were there for me.

It wasn't until sixth grade that I actually started to feel my bisexual feelings. I had a friend where we always hung out. She "lived" right across the street from me. We hanged out everyday at school and I thought that she was one of my bestest friends.

I had a crazy feeling, one day, to just kiss her. I thought it was just a stupid random thought and never told anyone but it was a recurring thought. But after awhile, she betrayed my friendship and we haven't really talked since.

Then, in seventh grade, I met this one girl and had an instant attraction towards her. She was a kinda devil but that's what I liked about her. She was rebellious and she stuck up for herself. She was independent and fierce. She was amazing. She was the Chloe Price to my Max Caulfield.

I was lovestruck by her but we didn't talk much over the summer. My current boyfriend, though, did talk to me over the summer and asked me out. I said yes, obviously.

When summer ended and school began again, I was in 8th grade now, hormones were definitely a thing. My crush on Chloe (my new nickname for her now) sparked up again. We had the same gym class and I hung out with her all the time in school.

But she had a lot of inner demons. Her grades had dropped majorly and she was dealing with depression. I guess I was helping her because it wasn't until I lost contact with her did she start cutting herself...

But before that, I also started developing a crush on another girl who was similar to Kate Marsh (damn I'm using a lot of LIS references). She also cut herself but also stopped because of her friends.

Its now the 2nd nine weeks, I admitted to my bf that I was bisexual. I was honestly fucking terrified because I lived with my grandma and she is total homophobic.

I told John and he was kinda fine with it. I slowly started to get comfortable with my sexuality and told all my friends. I still haven't told my grandmother to this day that I am bisexual.

So I had a crush on both of these girls who hurt themselves. They were both suffering with depression. As was I. But I tried to help them, and I did help them as much as I could.

So Chloe was going through so much shit and she went homeschooled because of her exes (she was straight) and all this bullshit at school. I lost a lot of contact with her after that and she started cutting herself and I was falling deeper for Kate Marsh.

I did talk with Chloe and was able to make her laugh when she was feeling down. But I haven't heard from her since.

And so it was the 4th nine weeks and school was almost over. I met this girl and she was just amazing. I'll call her Jennifer. She is a great artist and she is a great friend. We made an instant bond and did many things together. We still talk and play games together to this day.

When summer started and school ended, we talked even more. I found out she was bisexual. It became a one year anniversary with my bf and I still had crushes on other girls.

I guess I was that fucking desperate.

I guess I am that fucking desperate.

So, John asked me questions like "would you rather date a boy or girl" or "would you rather kiss me or Chloe" and they were really annoying because I didn't know how to answer like he is my boyfriend! Does he want to boost his ego or something??

I'm not entirely sure if we both have a crush on each other, but the thing that is stopping us is my bf. Call it cheating or whatever but its not like I can help myself.

I'm done talking about myself. Honestly I'm done writing and I'm tired. I pulled an all nighter talking with Jennifer and I'm just writing this and its like kms but I'm fine.

If I ever was in a relationship with a girl, tho, I would definitely be top ;) XD

(1041 words)

This is Shadow Leira, signing off.