After returning here I can't seem to forget whatever happened between us. That's if there's still an 'us'. The rabid beating of the shell that's called my heart is painful. It's a continuous reminder to what is I'm about to do. Lying back into my car seat, I never realised the ride will be this long, or maybe my awareness of time is just painfully agonising. With a loud sigh I tried to take my mind of what's going to happen tonight by drifting to my sacred memories with him. My love that only confessed of hatred.
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You say you love; but with a voice
Chaster than a nun's, who singeth
The soft Vespers to herself
While the chime-bell ringeth -
O love me truly!
"You must be crazy if you think I can jump with you!" I yelled at him, but my laughing fit did not make me sound serious enough for him to believe me.
"Why? You don't trust me darling?" He asked suggestively. I bet he was grinning.
"Well, you can't blame me! Last time I checked you shot me with a gun remember" I laughed lightly, but internally I shuddered at the memory.
"I cannot believe you brought that up!" his British accent was showing which means he was pretty pissed.
"Okay, okay, fine. I trust you" I shouted out the last part as if I wanted for the whole world to hear.
I always trusted you love.
You say you love; but with a smile
Cold as sunrise in September,
As you were Saint Cupid's nun,
And kept his weeks of Ember.
O love me truly!
I stayed by the window looking at the complete darkness that I never grew bored of, " A penny for your thoughts" he whispered in my ear.
"My thoughts are more expensive than a penny" I chuckled then turned to face him, I felt his hand grabbing mine softly.
"I was thinking about us" I whispered sinking slowly in my thoughts. "What about us?" He asked.
"I don't know, I just got all worried suddenly. Maybe I'm thinking too much. But did you ever consider when all of this is over, what will we do?" I sighed.
"Irene when all of this end, I'll stay if you want me to, I'll stay here by your side to make you laugh when you don't feel like it, when you cry I'll be here to kiss your tears with love, I'll be here to make sure you're making the best out of everything" he said sincerely then kissed my hand not letting it go, " I will give you the 'always' you're looking for if always is what you want" he promised and I heard my heart beat, but at this moment I know it was beating for him.
I wanted 'always' to be with this man who's standing in front of me .
You say you love - but then your lips
Coral tinted teach no blisses.
More than coral in the sea -
They never pout for kisses -
O love me truly!
"I love your voice,
I love the way you speak to me like I'm only me 'Irene' the girl that hugged you to feel safe after beating the crap out of someone,
I love the way you make me smile at your silliness,
I love it when you tell me good morning, it gives me hope that my day would be good somehow,
I love you kissing my cheek like it's a routine for you,
I love everything that you hate about you,
I love you,
I love loving you" I confessed smiling with silent cold tears running down my cheeks.
"I'm not feeling the same towards you" he was lying.
"I'm sorry, I'll never love you like you deserve" he was lying, I hoped he was...
You say you love; but then your hand
No soft squeeze for squeeze returneth,
It is like a statue's dead -
While mine to passion burneth -
O love me truly!
"I think people are ridiculous" I muttered. "Why's that?" He asked amused.
"Look around you, everyone is trying to convince themselves that they're in love with their partner, as if giving reasons is enough to stay with them, but love should be unquestionably clear like answering 'what is your name?' instead they're trying to build a relationship so that they won't feel alone. They're ridiculous, giving everything to their supposed 'love' while they should have given everything to themselves first.." I said looking out of the window. He didn't say anything after that.
O breathe a word or two of fire! Smile, as if those words should burn be, Squeeze as lovers should - O kiss
And in thy heart inurn me!
O love me truly!
"I believed in the stars even if I'll never see them shine, only for you.But you only surrounded me with darkness." My voice was shaking and his was silenced. I pushed his chest to get a reaction, anything, but he denied me this too.
"I believed in everything even when I know it will only work its way to break me more, in everything I should've ran away from, and I was right from the beginning. I never should've believed in those ugly stars,I never should've believed in you" he listened while I spoke lividly. But didn't care to ice my growing fire.
——————————————
The night is dreadful and the wind is making my heart shiver, I can feel his stare on me. He is the only reason to why I'm here in this party. Well, you see parties aren't my thing; I would pick up late night movies and a walk in my garden any time over this. His stare is intense and his smell is nearing me, this smell that reminds me of an anemone flower. It's ironic how this flower could describe my whole life in just two words 'Fading hope'.
I'm a girl who's full of doubts I admit that. I doubt people intentions. I doubt the promises that aren't made yet. Sometimes I even doubt my own feelings. My feet seem to be rooted in its place, and my reason for coming here starts to seem too shallow. I know I'm making a fool out of myself, but I'm willing to push those doubts to the stars for him. In a few seconds I'll be finally able to tell him why I came here...why I decided to show up after all these years of disappearance. That was my plan, but I guess fate had another say in this.
I'm a blind wallflower and this is my story.
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Author's note:
Hey guys, I edited &updated the prologue because I thought it wasn't descriptive enough, so here you go ~ I welcome every new reader and my advice to you is 'be ready to explore what it means to be alive and in love and to be human in the best realistic way possible.'
It's my first wattpad story and that is enough to make very excited. Enjoy!
P.s: the credit of the poem "O love me truly!" is for John Keats. Shoutout to his fans.
YOU ARE READING
The Blind Wallflower
Romance"If my heart is going to betray me, and my love for you shall remain with the depth of my soul, would you stay?" she held his hand, the same hand that used to hold hers in her darkest times. "Irene, you know I will never stay" his cold voice that s...
