The Blind Wallflower

I - "Cry...just cry"

Cry, just cry

If there is no one to hug, and no one to send the demons away for you, then my baby just cry.

Like a child who didn't get the world, and thought it was his fault

Like a child who didn't smile often, and wished for his undying misery to stop

Cry, just cry

If there is none to love, and none to warm your heart

To lead you out of your darkness,

And give you a piece of their heart even if they thought they were heartless

Then cry, just cry.

The golden threads of the sun are hugging every inch of this small room, but everything seems misty and cold. I'm sitting in some corner fidgeting with my fingers. I look distant, and I look...lost. I raised my right hand to poke my eyes,

One...poke.

Two...poke again.

Three...poke again, and again, and again, and again, and aga-

"Did or did I not tell you a thousand of times to stop poking your goddamn eyes?" she slapped my hand away and started yelling at me. She is grabbing my arm hard enough to leave a bruise, but I can't feel anything.

"I'm s-sorry mummy" I stuttered with a voice so small.

I tried to meet her gaze, but instead my eyes focused on the open cut that was big enough to be planted on her entire face, a sticky black liquid was oozing out of it, and her eyes...her eyes were completely white. I screamed at the top of my lungs at her to let me go, but I couldn't hear my own voice and the grip on my arm only got tighter.

"You should be punished" she said with a menacing voice. She started to pull me towards a small open door and my eye got wide when I noticed the burning flames lighting and breaking into the room. She kept pulling me towards the flames and I kept screaming with a silent voice.

"No, no, please mummy...don't punish me...please" I pleaded with every breath I tried to take.

She started to laugh hysterically.

"A worthless child like you should be punished" she kept on repeating this sentence like it was an unanswered prayer, then with both of her hands she pushed me into those flames to let it swallow me whole.

I gasped for air.

It was just a nightmare Irene, I thought. I put my hands on my face and felt the warm tears running down to stain my silk bed sheets. I sat upright and looked around me. It's dark, pitch dark as always. I'm sitting on the edge of my bed waiting for Helen to knock. Sometimes I wake up extra early to think, before my secretary decides to come up to my room and help me get dressed. I started to think about this hideous nightmare and I noticed how my heartbeats started to race. I often have one of those nightmares when I get too stressed and last night happened to be one of these times. I kept my eyes closed and my mind drifted to the regular unpleasant thoughts.

To be honest, there's not a lot to think about. I just keep on thinking how my life would be so much pleasant if I was born into a different family. Would I be receiving warm hugs and loving kisses? Would I be hearing sweet laughs and soft giggles? Oh I wonder, but that's all I could do, wondering. Before I can drown myself more into these dark fantasies, I heard soft knocking. Thoughtful as always, she knows how I despise loud noises in the morning. I cleared my dry throat and said loud enough for her to hear,