So, as some of you know (if you read my profile description), I struggle with depression, anxiety and ADHD. You're probably thinking, Why am I sharing this with a bunch of random people on the internet? I don't know. Probably because I think people should know and see that this is a real struggle. Or I'm just bored. So, let's start off this story when I was nine years old. I know, right? When you were nine years old, you probably think about how life was easier with sunshine and rainbows. I think of a really dark time when I was really depressed. 4th grade was a terrible year. My friends rejected me, people would gossip about me behind my back, calling me fat, stupid, etc. This was really hard and I fell into a dark hole called depression. I ate a lot, I got 3 hours of sleep each night, it was awful. I actually had suicidal thoughts and had some anxiety attacks because of it. I told my parents that I had these thoughts, and they told me, 'Hannah, we love you and would be really sad if you died.' So I had to go to a psychiatrist a few weeks ago and told her that I had depression in the past with the thoughts and such. The psychiatrist talked to my mom about it, and she didn't even remember me telling her. Neither did my dad. Honestly, you just don't forget that your child thought really bad things. I got out of depression over the summer into 5th grade, where I transferred to a catholic school. I didn't even want to go to a catholic school at first, with all the mass and religion classes and such. But I found my best friend I've ever had there, and she's incredible (btw, it's Tshadowangel ). So me and her became best friends over the past few years. But earlier this year, I fell back into that big, dark hole called depression. And it was so nice to bring some of its friends, anxiety and ADHD. I've gotten bullied a lot at the catholic school and over this past school year, it has gotten worse. People gossiping, not being in a five foot radius of me like I have a 'fat disease' or whatever, people telling friends not to talk to me. There's this one kid named Richard (not his real name; safety reasons. And Richard means a not so nice word that describes him well) who would not stand being near me. He gave me disgusted looks in the hallways and whatever I touched, he would stay as far away from it as possible. One time I accidentally touched his backpack, he threw it off screaming 'it's contaminated'. Another special moment was when he wouldn't work on a religion project because we were using my materials. It was a group of four and he refused to work on it. I told him to work, but he gave me a disgusted look and continued talking with his friends. His friends were fooling around while they were talking, so one kid thought it would be funny to throw Richards backpack on mine under the desk. Richard got pissed, threw the other guys backpack against mine and said 'How do you like that? Huh?' and started wiping his backpack down with cleaning wipes. So, yeah, some of the greatest experiences with bullying. Yay. So I have really bad body and insecurity issues now. I have to see a therapist once a week, a psychiatrist once a month. I have to take antidepressants every day. My mom figured I had depression because I would seclude myself in my room, I stopped eating as much, and I seemed really sad all the time (which I am). Depression isn't something to just be looked over, it's a serious issue. And anxiety and ADHD. But with my experience with my short life, it really fu*king sucks. I was forced to get help by my parents, but it's not helping, not in my opinion. No one really gets what I go through on a daily basis, and the people that do, I've met a few, but it's not as bad as me. I've gotten anxiety attacks before, even during class, and no one even batted an eye. My life is tough, and I know some lives are worse than mine, but I don't care about life. Really. I'm not going to harm myself, o no, but I guess that's what comes with depression. Yippee. So, that's my life with depression. And if you do struggle as well, talk to someone. You can talk to me, a friend, or someone else. Just, keep trying to live your best life every day❤️.
Hannah❤️
