Saving Louis → l.t [au]

↛ Twelve ↚

Kaylee

After my realisation of loving louis I have tried my best to swallow the feelings and try to get rid of the feelings

I know it's hard to hide love because it's such an important thing in life and it will probably hurt me more if I hide the feelings but I can't afford to blab them right now, probably never

I wanted to go back to school really bad, I wanted a career more than anything

I was sitting at a park bench, in the middle of the city and I was just watching everyone go by one by one, couples, kids, anyone else

I closed my eyes for a second to breathe in the beauty of where I live

When I opened them, I saw him, I saw my living nightmare right in front of me

I wanted to get up and run or call the police, but obviously I didn't have a goo enough reason to do that

I guess you are all a bit dumbfounded about this situation, so let's go back in time

Flashback

I got into a taxi with the curly haired boy from the club which his name happened to be Harry.

I knew that this wasn't the real me and I was only doing this because I wanted to live a little but this might just be the worse decision of my life or maybe the best

I thought that this would just be a little hang out at his house, but why would I think that? I'm drunk, he's drunk and we are going back to his apartment, what else would he want besides what I'm thinking?

We hopped out of the car and staggered into his small but cozy apartment

This guy didn't waste much time either, he pulled me into his bedroom, the place I was dreading

I wasn't really a sex person, as weird as it sounds

I just wasn't into it, have I Even done it? yeah I have, but eh, your not missing out on much if your wondering.

But of course there is that pleasuring feeling when, well yeah.. ya know, I won't go into my experiences

Back to reality, Harry grabbed a hold of my arm, he could sense that I didn't want to do anything, he was turning my wrists purple, I was trying to hide the tears

He seemed a bit rough, someone who wouldn't listen to orders, I definitely didn't want to get under those bed sheets with him..

He pushed me on the bed, and whispered in my ear

"If you don't do what I say, it will hurt, so just do it." I'm normally a person who takes orders, if they are reasonable

This, was not.

"Please get off me, I don't want to do anything." I was scared, I must admit that

"I told you before, it will get bad if you don't" was that a threat?

"I'm a virgin.." Okay I know, I was taught not to lie, because I'm not a virgin, but I'll do anything right now to get out of this situation

"Oh come on, lying will just make it worse" how can he tell?

"I'm also a Christian, this is a sin, and you will go to hell." What the fuck was I saying?

"Shut up." Rude.

He kissed my neck, it felt like I was being violated. I could feel the disgust in myself wash over me

He managed to pull my skin right dress off through all of the fighting back I was doing

He slipped my shoes off and any other accessory that would get in the way

I cried, but then he just slapped me hard, right in the face, ouch.. good way to make me cry even more

Idiot

"Just lay there! Don't move for fucks sake" sorry but I think it might be opposites day

I kicked and screamed and punched as hard as I could, which just made the matter much worse

"Well because you didn't listen, it's going to be hell for you tonight" I gulped, what have I gotten myself into

This is where the raping began

I need Louis...

Reality

I closed my eyes again and opened them, and then he was gone..

It must've just been my mind playing tricks on me, it's not like he would do anything stupid in front of thousands of people in public

I started to make my way back home

So now everyone knows, except Lou

I know he should've been the feat person to find out really, but with Amelia around and everything I thought he was more interested in her

Who knows he probably would've blurted it out to her too

I kicked my feet against the wet pavement, almost tripping over the lumps in the path, if that makes sense?

I was listening to 'when I was young' by blink-182, I guess by now you can tell I'm obsessed with them.

There music is just so, influential

I didn't want to go back to Louis, I mean, I did and he's my best friend but my feelings are getting stronger, why me? How am I going to deal with this, especially since he is pretty depressed with everything

How can I get the feelings to disappear

Maybe I should move away... no, Louis needs me now

I would tell him but, well, I've been friend zoned and so has he, I mean we had our chance and we lost it, so I need to just deal with it

Ugh, it's all to hard for me

Maybe I should just dig a hole to china?