Saving Louis → l.t [au]

Prologue

Kaylee

"I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nighttmare."

I looked into Louis' eyes as he spoke these words to me, I could see and hear all the hurt and sadness he is keeping inside of him quietly.

"When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone."

I was unable to reply because I felt as if I didn't have enough encouraging words for him or enough wisdom to provide his sadness with.

"That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful." Louis fiddled with his fingers, trying to stop his tears from falling down his face.

"I know Louis.." I tried my hardest to understand, but i will never be able to properly, tears were emerging at the brim of my eyes, I didn't want to make Louis any more upset then he is.

"I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?"

"I wish I did know Louis, I wish I knew how you felt so I could fully understand and give you enough proper support to keep you going strong" I spoke to him with calming and soft words that came from deep in my heart.

"I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead."

I let a small tear slip out, it killed me to see my best friend like this, it hurt so much to know that I wasn't able to help him in any way that would make him happy again.

"I might as well be dead" those words made me shrink down to the smallest person in the world, I'm so disappointed in myself because I have let my best friend get to this stage while I'm out and about living my life happily.

"Kaylee, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am seventeen and I am already exhausted."

I am telling myself to try harder to help Louis, but what can I do that's going to make him happier? My words are weak, they can not provide the help he needs. I won't surrender, though, I'll keep trying, I will until the day I die.

"What can I do to help you and get you through this all Louis?" I was fearing that he would say "nothing" because I would then feel like I have failed to be a good enough friend.

"Just be my friend, just listen to me, you don't need to speak, I just need someone, and I only want you to be that someone." He had the tiniest smile on his face, and his words had put one on my face to.

"That, I can do, Louis, anything for you."

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