Clueless

C23

In December, Josh and I had gotten into an argument that could have been resolved in a mature manner, but I was done giving him the extra chances. The times we would go out to the city and explore, a lot of the time took place on a school night and my mom strictly gave me a specific time to be home. I could go as far as I wanted, as long as I was back on our property before 9 and on a good day 9:30. When we went out, 80% of the time I would end up coming home late and with each late night, my mom grew more and more angry and Josh and I, but mainly me since I should have known better. My mom's trust in me slowly deteriorated each time I went out with Josh, I had become more distant from my family.

He texted me a picture of friendship bracelets and I replied with a snarky comment that was along the lines of, "you and Stephanie would look great in those." Pretty much implying that I didn't want to associate with him anymore. We argued back and forth for a good 10-15 minutes before we both agreed not to be friends anymore. It was just as childish as it sounds, trust me.

Early January or 2016 around 2 am, my breathing had become abnormal and wavy. I sat down for a little bit hoping that it would even out but it didn't and I had no idea how to control it. I texted my mom saying I couldn't breathe and the minute she saw me, she knew something was going on with me. We drove to the emergency room and checked in saying that I was having a hard time breathing. We sat in the waiting room for what felt like 5 hours but was probably only realistically 2 or 3.

I remember sitting in the chair staring at the same tile on the floor while I hardly inhaled or exhaled at all. My limbs were slowly losing blood circulation and my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen and I passed out in the chair for a few minutes. Breathing had never been an issue for me, but in that moment, the only breath that came out of me was faint wheezing and airy sounds.

Cutting passed all of the boring test that were finally ran on me, they concluded that it was an anxiety attack. They diagnosed me with anxiety and a sprinkle of OCD right then and there. My medication at the time was Citalopram remember? Well, that only treated depression. I was upgraded to a new medication that treated depression, anxiety, and OCD. This is where Paxil was introduced to me. 40 mg dosage in case you were wondering.

So great, not only do I have one mental illness, but I have three (that we know of). This was a new pill to swallow (no pun intended).