Clueless

C27

Dear Amanda,

Despite battling with self-harm, suicidal tendencies, mental illnesses, bullying, being molested, and coming from a broken home, you are the strongest person I know. Don't be afraid to be the odd one out, there isn't one thing wrong with that. Embrace who you are! The people behind the keyboards and the kids in the hallway aren't going to matter in a year or 2 or 5 for that matter.

To middle school me,

Whether you're a day clean, a week clean, or even if you had never done it to begin with, I am proud of you. I applaud you. You won't be able to read this, but if you could, I want you to know that you're nearly 5 years clean and counting. You did that! You persevered! You can hardly even see the scars now! You are going to make it through whatever comes your way, just keep going.

To freshman year me,

When you're trying to get off your medication, I want you to know that it is okay to have to go back when you need to. There is no wrong in doing so. It doesn't mean that you've lost, it doesn't make you any less of a fighter. Just wanting to do it makes you a fighter. Don't abruptly stop taking them either, go from once a day to every other day, to maybe 3 times a week and so on. If you feel like you need to go back to them for a few days or weeks, do it. Because it's your body going through withdrawal symptoms; you're literally getting over a drug addiction.

Don't take it out on yourself, it isn't your fault that you can't get out of bed. If you need, take a mental health day. I don't care about perfect attendance, if you aren't mentally feeling well, then you won't be at your peak performance. Self-care is important.

To present me,

You are doing marvelous. You are teaching yourself how to love yourself rather than hate yourself, which isn't easy, I know it's taken years and you're still in the process of it. It's okay, take your time. Even though you can't always get out of bed, I am proud of you for trying.

Thank you for continuing to try.

Sincerely,

Seba.