Tentang Rindu dan Si Perindu.

104 /reason/

•english•

"its okay. tell me everything"

"i really want to erase his name from the bottom of my heart. but i cant. he gave me some pain that i cant forget about. he gave me some scars. he gave me some sweet things that all girls in this world want. he gave me everything, but theres no'love' between 'us'. how the fuck i can erase him then. we've been together for about 2 or 3 years. since he care about me, i started liking him. he act like im his girlfriend, but all i got is just our 'bestfriend' label. i hate those label, fuck. and then he left me with some scars in my heart. i tried to fix my heart alone. but when my heart fixed, he came to me, again. gave me those sweet things and then left me, again. how the fuck i can forget that? it really hurts me. why he doesnt care about it? im still remembered the day he asked me about my friend, i think thats just some chit-chat. but after 3 days we talked about her, he started asking me a question that i cant forget about. he asking me 'what if i talked to her now? is she want to accept my love?' and stupid me, i just answered it with 'oh, yea, of course she want'. and he never chat me again. and they're in relationship. 10 months later, they're broke up. i cant lie that i really happy because of that. and he came again to me. we're close. and the he left me again. that situation repeated until i realized how he hurt me and then i go from his life. im not go to school. im not doing my homework. i got some warn from my conseling teacher because i dont go to school. im broken. im hurt. i cant feel anything. he know everything about me, and so am i. and then we growth up. we're on the highest class. we're busy with our own. he with his fucking girlfriend. im with my own feeling, with empty hearts, with everything that cant make me happy. im fight with my own feelings. im mad at myself. how can i liked him? he never make me the most. he really make me like his queen if his girlfriend dont see it. but if his girlfriend see it, we're like strangers. i know that im so stupid, im so dumb to think that he loved me. but he doesnt love me. everyone tell me that i can forget about him. but i cant. because i dont want people around me hurt, so i said that im already forget about him and they're trusted it. and at the graduation day, we never see each other. we're like some strangers. we're never talked about anything like we used to do again. even just for take a photos together. i really hate myself for have some crush on him. fuck why this tears out. im really weak right? im always starring at my ceilings, thinking about him, about why he left me, about how he do that. theres a night that i spend for cry thinking about why i have crush on him, about he hurt me, about anything he do to me. and now, here i am with the same feeling. nothing changed about me, even my feeling for him. its still same."

-bc x :)

//still dont get it eh?//