A Forbidden Love

Chapter 2: My Father Won't Hear About This

Mom and Dad are talking right outside the door. I see this as I'm sulking to the door and stop dead in my spot. I realize two things at the same time. First is that I might be gay, I guess it didn't fully sink in, and two is I'd have to tell my parents. The thoughts practically give me a heart attack. I know neither would be OK with it. They're too obsessed with our "precious reputation."  Who am I to complain, though. I care just as much. I know I will never be looked at the same if I come out.

I decide not to mention this encounter to anyone, at least until I know for sure. After assuring myself of this, I find the courage to walk outside. My parents turn as soon as the door opens and smile as I walk out.

"There you are Draco," Dad said with a little laugh. "We were beginning to think you weren't coming out." I cringe at the unintended pun.

"Are you ok," Mom added, obviously regarding my face.

"Yeah, of course I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" My answer feels rushed.

They give me a concerned and confused look, knowing I was holding something back. I've never kept anything from them, so I don't blame them for worrying. There's no way I could say anything to them, though.

I'm distracted as we finish shopping, finally ending at Ollivanders, the wand shop.  Mom was shopping here while I was at Madam Malkin's, but Ollivander would not let her get a wand for me. The wand chooses the wizard after all.

I know my parents know I'm distracted, so I rush in ahead of them hoping they won't follow. This kind of stress is new to me, and I'm not handling it very well.

I enter to Ollivander's voice. "Ah, yes. Narcissa's son I presume?"

"That would be me, yes."

"Let's get you a wand, then," he says, as he walks through the rows of wands. "Hmm. This one may be right," he says, walking back to me. "Give it a whirl for me."

I do, and let's just say Ollivander may have lost a few wands in the process. "No, no. That won't do." He hands me another wand as he mutters.

I give this one a whirl, and instead of breaking things, the wand emitts a few sparks and swirls. "That's the one," Ollivander says behind me.

I couldn't be more happier. It was an awesome looking wand.  A 10", hawthorn wand, with a unicorn hair center. I give it a few more twirls and watch the sparks happily, but soon hand him the money and run out. I don't need to look that childish, or gay for that matter. Not yet, at least.

I rejoin with Mom and Dad by the exit of Diagon Alley, needing to get home and figure things out. They seem to be taking their time, so I start to pull them along. The longer I wait, the worse I'm going to feel.

"For someone who couldn't wait to shop for school, you sure are in a hurry to leave," Mom notices.

"Yeah, weird. Must just be homesick or tired. Can't think straight." I'm still rushing my words. My parents are still confused.

Thankfully, they don't question it and we're apparating home almost immediately. I run straight to my room with all my stuff, as soon as we get home. Behind me, I hear my parents laugh and comment on how excited I am. If only they knew. Would they be laughing like that?

Once all my stuff's in my room, I'm back downstairs, walking out the door. My mom calls after me, but I'm too far down the driveway to make out words. I continue on anyway, knowing they trust me enough that they won't worry too much.

I head straight for the nearest library, not wanting to be out too long. When I arrive, I walk to the desk and ask for any LGBT books they have. The librarian comes back with a stack of about six or seven, which I dig through. When I find what I'm looking for, I check the two books out.

"Interesting choice of books," the librarian says, looking me up and down.

"Yeah," I respond. "They're for a friend."

I have a feeling she knows they aren't, but if she does, she doesn't let on. Soon the books are checked out, and I'm back out the door. I made sure to bring a bag so my parents wouldn't see me bring them into the house. Luckily, when I told them they were for school work, they believed me.

I ran upstairs with them and immediately began reading. One book I picked up outlined the different terms, the other described how people decided they were LGBT. I start with the latter.

After a few weeks of reading, I come across an experience very similar to my own. The boy wrote that he was always asked about girlfriends and girls that he liked but never had an answer, for he never seemed to like any. Then he found himself crushing on a few guys and knew he was gay. I realize I am very much like this except I have liked a few girls. I look at the term book and finally decide I am a bisexual leaning more towards the guys.

Now I feel a bit more comfortable, finding a label that seems to fit me. I am able to work up the courage to tell my parents, knowing I should them, as they are my parents, even if they might not be completely okay with it. I decide to do it over dinner. It's now August 30th, school starts in two days, so even if they have a poor reaction, I won't have to suffer for long.

Tonight at dinner, conversation is slow. My courage is draining and I know either conversation will need to pick up or I need to come out soon, or I will lose my confidence. When it's still only small talk after five minutes, I decide to go for it.

"Mom. Dad. I have something I need to tell you," I begin.

"Go head hunny," Mom says. "You know you can tell us anything." So far so good.

"So, when I was in the robe shop on July 31st, I met this kid. A boy actually. My first thought was 'boy he's cute,' so I began questioning my sexuality and I've decided I'm bi." I catch my breath at the end, suddenly very worried and rightfully so.

My dad almost choked and then screamed. "WHAT! NOT IN MY HOUSE YOU'RE NOT! YOU ARE EXCUSED FROM THE TABLE! I WANT YOU IN YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!"

I look to Mom for help, but she's looking at me with a look of disgust. I run up to my room in tears, no longer feeling any of that confidence from before. I don't even know what to do.

I'm still sobbing into my pillow when Dad walks in, still as angry as before. He looks at me with pure rage and says, "I don't know if it's just a phase or what, but you are absolutely not bi! As long as you live under my roof, you will never have a boyfriend or a crush on a boy! I don't want to hear it again!"

He turns and slams the door and I go back to crying. Right before I do, though, I hear him mutter something about ruining the family reputation, which upsets me even more. Them and that stupid reputation. Now I'm crying of anger and sadness, wanting more than ever to be off to Hogwarts.