A Forbidden Love

Chapter 19: My Fault

Somehow, over the course of one summer, I forgot how long the train ride really was. Eventually, we talk ourselves dry and sit in silence. I can't stand to sit there anymore. Silence in a group of people makes me uncomfortable. I get up.

"Where are you going?" Goyle asks.

"The bathroom," I respond.

I don't really have to go but I had to get out of there. I decide to try and find Potter. Maybe even work up the courage to talk to him. By the time I reach the last compartment for non-prefects, he was in none of the ones before, I was actually ready to sit down and talk to him. I burst into the compartment, knowing he has to be in there, only he isn't. The only three people in it are the mudblood, the weasel's sister, and a blonde girl I don't recognize. She looks like a first year.

"Er... hello," I say, all eyes on me.

Granger scowls at me. "Ever heard of privacy, Draco? Oh that's right, spoiled jerks like you have never heard of privacy. Well it's this thing..."

"Okay, I get it," I cut her off. "You don't want me here. You could just say so. Spare me some dignity."

"Look who that's coming from." Granger continues to scowl. "I do want to hear your excuse for barging in like that, though. It better be good."

"Er... Um..." They look at me expectantly, and I'm not creative enough to lie, so I give them what they want. "I... er... was looking for Potter." I can feel my cheeks getting hot. I wince, but they don't notice me blush at all.

"And what do you want with him?" This time, Ginny speaks. I figure her brother and Potter must have told her all about how awful I was to them. I feel a small twinge of guilt in my stomach when I think about it.

"Um... nothing of your concern."

"Well I'm sure you'll be pleased to learn that neither him nor Ron made it onto the train this year. Maybe you'll be able to enjoy your year," Granger says, angrily.

I can't help it. My jaw drops. "They missed the train!" I guess I won't have to worry about hurting him. Who knows what Father'll do to me, though. He'll probably blame me for them not getting on the train.

"Don't act so surprised. I bet you're the reason they missed it anyway." Obviously Father's not the only who would blame me for it.

I shoot Hermione a glare and turn to go, before I do anything I regret. As I'm turning, something on Ginny's lap catches my eye. The diary, she's been using it!

Suddenly, I feel really sick and run out of the room without so much as a snide comment for a goodbye. I run straight to the bathroom and sit on the floor. Everything that just happened makes me sick the more I think about it.

First off, Potter didn't make it onto the train. That most likely means that I'll be hated even more among the school, all of them probably thinking I'm the reason for it. I also won't be able to even try to work up the courage to talk to him this year, since he won't be there.

The second thing is that Ginny is using the diary. I know fairly well that through that diary, the Dark Lord can control anyone. That means Ginny will be the victim that will open the Chamber of Secrets. That thought sickens me more than the others, but I can't take it off of her. If no one opens the chamber, I will definitely be punished. At least this way I have a chance.

I pull my knees into my body and put my head in my knees, crying. I sit there crying for a long time. I barely even notice the small clicking noise indicating the door unlocking. Soon, the door's opening. I jump to my feet, not wanting to be caught crying, to see... no one. I look down and stumble backwards in shock. At my feet, looking up at me happily, was Dobby, my house elf.

I reach over him and pull the door shut before asking, "What are you doing here? You need to get home. Father will beat you."

"Dobby knows," he responds. "Dobby just needs to tell you that he was successful."

"Successful in what?" I ask.

What would he have done for me? Then it hits me. I asked him to warn Potter. There's no way. Was it him?

"Dobby saved Potter from the dangers awaiting him at school," he says, looking proud. "Dobby blocked his entrance onto the platform!"

"You did what!" I have to restrain myself from screaming.

"Isn't that what you wanted Dobby to do, to protect him?"

"No! I just needed you to warn him! Oh my gosh! This is awful!"

"Dobby is sorry Master." He starts banging his head off the wall, muttering, "Bad Dobby!"

I realize I upset him and pull him back. "No no, don't worry. You did what you needed to do. At least we know he's safe." I say this very calmly, even though I feel quite the opposite.

"So Dobby did good?"

"Yes Dobby. You did fine."

At that, he disappears, no doubt going home before Father catches him. I sit back down on the floor, face in my knees again. I can't believe it. It is my fault that he won't make it to school. He's going to be held back because of me. I'm going to get punished by Father because of my own mistake. Why was I stupid enough to put my faith in a house elf?

I walk back to my compartment just as we are arriving at the school. I quickly run back to the bathroom to put my robes on. Then, I'm back in the compartment. I sit down, still to sick to stand.

"That was a long bathroom trip," Blaise says with a laugh.

"I'm not feeling good, right now, okay!" I snap at them.

I must have really looked upset because they all backed off. They didn't even try to comfort me, which I'm thankful for. They probably would have only made it worse.

Finally, we arrive, and I get off the train. Two more minutes on that thing and I probably would've gone crazy. I follow the crowd of returnees to the school and we file into the great hall. Once everyone is seated, I look over at the Gryffindor table with an ounce of hope, which is destroyed when I don't see him anywhere. He really isn't coming to school.

The first years walk into the great hall all lined up like we were, but I can't pay attention. I stare at the table, not feeling up to anything. I glance up only once, in the middle of the sorting hat song, intrigued by what it was saying, and Dumbledore catches my eye. He is sitting right behind it looking at me sympathetically. He always knows when a student is upset. I don't know how but he does. He breaks eye-contact with me to nod in the direction of the Gryffindor table and then looks back at me. I look down at the table, again, blushing this time.

I'm not sure if Dumbledore knows what's been going on in my head, but rumor has it that he knows what's on all of his students minds. If he does, that short moment of communication between us tells me that he accepts my crush and maybe wants us to happen. That might just be wishful thinking, though.

I continue staring at the table, lost in thought. I don't look up again until I hear it. Everyone hears it. Everything in the Great Hall stops. Outside the school there was an ear-splitting crash and, unmistakably, the loud screech of an owl.