Where There is a Flame Someone's Bound to Get Burned

Fade to Black

Izzy
I've finally managed to get high enough that I'm completely fucking numb and it took some doing. I still feel like I'm in some sort of living nightmare though. My heart is so broken that my chest has literally been throbbing for hours. I just keep waiting to wake up and find my baby doll asleep beside me, but it's not happening. What I saw in the kitchen this morning keeps playing over and over in my mind like a movie in slow motion. The sound I heard Slash making right as I walked into the kitchen, Axl's hand wrapped around Slash's very hard dick, Slash elbowing Axl off of him when he saw me and the terrified look on his face.

Over and over I see myself slamming his head into the refrigerator and hear the cry of pain that came out of his mouth. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about it after I caught him fucking around but I do, I feel so guilty that it was me that gave him a concussion. Why do I always hurt people when I'm hurt? Last time we fought I told him I didn't care if he dropped dead or not and in that second I sort of meant it but when I saw the look on his face and the tears in his eyes I knew I had fucked up. Is that what drove him to fooling around with Axl? Did he fool around with Axl? Duff seems to think he didn't and I trust Duff but maybe Slash is a better liar than I've ever given him credit for. I mean hell, he might have been lying to me for months about loving me and I fell for it. But he had no reason to stay with me if he didn't really want to be with me...shit what happened here this morning?

I come out of the bathroom where I've been standing washing my face for over five minutes while staring into space and stop in front of Slash's bedroom door. I press my ear to it and it's quiet. He must be asleep. I crack the door open and the light from the hallway falls across his sleeping face; which is black and blue thanks to me. I walk over and look down at him and the urge to touch him is so strong. All I want to do is sit down and stroke his hair back out of his face and kiss his busted lips and tell him I'm sorry I hit him. My chest throbs and my eyes tear up again. All I've done all day is cry. I guess the smack isn't really making me numb. I get up quickly and leave before I start sobbing while I'm sitting there. I don't want to talk to him yet, I'll just end up getting angry and yelling at him no matter what he says.

But he hears me leaving the room and he calls my name before I make it out the door. My name on his lips makes the sob that's been building in my chest spill out and I stop and slowly turn around. He tries to sit up but his head must hurt because he groans and wraps his arms around it and falls back onto the pillow. I have to grip the door frame to stop myself from rushing over and scooping him up in my arms.

"Izzy," he whimpers. "Please don't go, please talk to me." I don't say anything but I don't leave either. "Izzy, you have to believe me about this morning. I know it looked bad but Izzy I didn't let him touch me, I wasn't fooling around with him! Izzy I'd never do anything to hurt you, how can you not know that?"

"Everybody hurts me at some point Slash. I thought you wouldn't but I guess I was wrong," I say.

"Baby, I didn't do it! Please Izzy, believe me!" he begs.

My heart's breaking, I can't stay here. "Slash, I can't talk about his right now, it hurts too much, I'm sorry," I choke out and flee the room. I lock myself in my room and collapse onto the bed and cry some more. I hear Slash's door open a couple of minutes later and then the sound of him dragging himself down the hall towards my door. I expect to hear him knock on the door but before he gets there I hear another voice in the hallway. Axl. That fucker is dead! I fly over to the door and throw it open fully intending to beat the shit out of the little red headed fucker but what I see is Axl standing in the hallway with his arms around Slash. My heart breaks again, how is that even possible? I don't even say anything, I just turn around and quietly shut the door and then slide down it onto the floor. I can't even cry it hurts so much. I sit leaning against the door for what feels like forever but was probably only a few seconds when a body thuds against the door. "Izzy!" I hear Slash groan from the other side of the door. I reach up and push the door lock down and walk back to my bed and shoot up again.

I don't hear anything else from the hallway but I know Slash is still on the other side of the door. But I don't open it, not even when he's crying so hard he can barely breathe and begging me to open the door, not when he's beating on it demanding I open it, not when he exhausts himself and passes out on the floor. Not for two days. Not for Duff, not for Steven, not for anybody. I piss out of the windows and do nothing but shoot up and sleep.

When I finally do come out Slash is sleeping on the floor outside of my room. He hasn't moved for two days either. But I force myself not to care and I kick him out of my way on the way to the bathroom. He wakes up and grabs my leg but I shake him off and lock myself in the bathroom and take a long shower. I hate being in there too, it reminds me of being in here with Slash just a few days ago and making love to him against the wall. I quickly finish watching and get the hell out of the bathroom but Slash is standing outside the door waiting for me. I try and push past him but he grabs my arms and pushes me against the wall. I look up at him, the bruises on his face are turning yellow and his lip is healing. His eyes though, they're so full of pain. "What do you want?" I growl. "Let me go, I don't want to talk to you. You must think I'm a really stupid piece of shit. I open the door to help you and kill that red headed bastard and I find him with his arms around you. I don't want to hear you lie to me anymore. Haven't you done enough?"

"I know what you saw, and I know you don't believe me but Izz, it's him, not me! I don't want him, I never have, all I've ever wanted was you!"

"Well I don't want you," I hiss and shove him off of me and I lock myself in my room again. I'm lying, I do want him, I love him so much... I cook up way more heroin than normal and shoot it into my arm and then everything fades into blissful silence.