Where There is a Flame Someone's Bound to Get Burned

Indifference

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Slash

I sit outside of Izzy's door for two days but he won't let me in. I feel like I'm dying this hurts so much. This can't be real. The night of the kitchen incident I woke up after coming home from the hospital to find Izzy standing in my room. I tried to sit up and talk to him but my head hurt so badly all I could do was collapse back onto the bed. I tried to tell him that what he saw that morning wasn't what he thought but he said he couldn't talk about it, that it hurt too much and he practically ran out of my bedroom.

I finally dragged myself out of the bed and crawled to the doorway. I pulled myself up the doorframe and staggered down the hall but I had to stop partway there because my head was throbbing so badly. I started walking again and I almost fell but guess who was in the hallway to catch me? Axl, that mother fucking asshole! He steadied me against the wall and I tried to push him away but I almost fell again. He asked me if I was ok and of course because I have the worst luck ever Izzy picked that second to open the door. I wouldn't have known he was there if Axl hadn't turned his head towards him. I swear to god I saw an evil fucking smile in his eyes at the look on Izzy's face when he saw us together for the second time that day. Izz didn't say anything, he just stepped back into his room and shut the door. I stumbled down the rest of the hall and fell into Izzy's door. My head was hurting so bad I thought it might explode and I had to sit down and catch my breath.

I ended up laying on the floor in the hall crying and begging for Izzy to open the door; he wouldn't. I must have fallen asleep or blacked out again because when I woke up there was a pillow under my head and a blanket draped over me, I guess Duff or Steven felt bad for me and put them there. My head's not hurting so much so I bang on Izzy's door and yell for him to let me in but he won't. I cry some more, beg some more, nothing. Steven and Duff come by over the next couple of days and give me food and drugs and I only get up to go to the bathroom but Izzy doesn't come out. I can hear him moving around in his room so I know he's alive but he doesn't come out. Sometime during those two days Duff and Axl have a huge fight and Axl leaves to go stay at his girlfriend's house. Fucking asshole has to get between Izzy and me but he has a girlfriend!

When Izz does finally come out I'm asleep but he kicks me or trips over me on his way out, I don't know which but it wakes me up. I grab at Izzy but he shoves me off of him and locks himself in the bathroom. I'm waiting for him when he comes out though and I grab him and hold him up against the wall and try and talk to him. He has to listen to me! I tell him that I love him, that all I've ever wanted was him and he says he doesn't care, that he doesn't want me. He looks at me with dead eyes and says in that flat, angry voice "I don't want you" and then shoves me out of the way and locks himself in his room again. I stand there for a second feeling an icy dread wash over me and then I have to run into the bathroom and vomit, although there isn't anything to throw up because I've barely eaten for two days so I just sit there and dry heave until I can't even do that anymore. I can't do anything, I can't even cry anymore. I just lay there and stare at the wall until Duff walks by and sees me.

"Slash, what the fuck are you doing? Are you ok?" he ask me in a worried voice. I shake my head and just continue staring at nothing. "Where's Izzy?" he asks me.

"In his room, he came out, said he didn't want me when I tried to talk to him, he's back in there," I tell him. Duff goes over and starts banging on the door but Izzy won't answer. Duff sighs and then walks away coming back a few seconds later with what looks like a bbq skewer in his hand. He sticks it into the little hole on Izzy's doorknob and pops the door lock. Interesting, I'll have to remember that trick.

"He's passed out on his bed," Duff tells me coming back into the bathroom. The needle was still in his arm.

"Is he ok?" I ask standing up and pushing past Duff and into Izzy's room. I sit down beside him and check his breathing and it's deep and even and his heartbeat's fine so he didn't OD, just took enough to knock himself out. Sounds like a great idea to me. I cover his naked body with the blanket I had been rolled up in outside of his door and kiss the side of his face. How am I going to do this? How am I possibly going to live without him? This hurts too fucking much. I quickly stand up and go back to my own room where I cook up my own fix. I'm instantly numb enough not to cry and I grab my guitar (which is safe thanks to Duff) and slump down onto my bed and start to play. I don't even know what I'm playing, I just know that some of the pain goes away when the guitar's in my hands.