Living with the Millers

Chapter 33 - Coming Clean

Chapter 33 - Coming Clean

*so sorry if there are mistakes. I just finished writing this so I wanted to get it up since it's been so long, but I don't have time to edit right now. Hope you enjoy!*

I stared down at my shaking hands, wondering if my nerves would ever settle down. After telling everything to the police, Ben had offered to drive me home. Once we had arrived, I hadn't been able to force myself to move. I just sat there, staring at my hands, doing everything I could to even breathe.

"You can go in," I told him for what felt like the millionth time. "I just want to be alone for a little while." Savanna had already called him twice to check on us, but he had refused to leave.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, reaching out to grab my hands. I flinched back without meaning to, frowning when a look of disappointment flashed through his eyes. "Did he...?"

"No," I said dryly, a humorless laugh escaping my lips before I could stop it. "He wanted to know if I had told the cops about him because of something you said." Silence fell between us. It was so quiet I could hear every shaky breath I pulled into my lungs. After a few seconds, Ben snapped. He punched the steering wheel, making a short, shrill beep ring through the quiet air. I jumped, almost hitting my head on the roof of his truck.

"Everything is always my fault," he muttered, running his hands through his hair. I felt my heart ache at his words, and I longed to reach out to him, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. "Shiloh, I'm sorry. I just wanted him to pay for what he did to you. I didn't think a little threat like that would make him take you."

"But why say anything at all?" I whispered, wiping hot tears from my eyes. Hadn't I cried enough already?

"I just wanted to scare him," he sighed, looking me in the eyes. The remorse plastered there made me cry even harder. "Damnit, I'm sorry, everything is always my fault."

"Stop saying that," I sighed, finally mustering the courage to touch him. I took both his hands in mine, scooting closer so that our knees touched.

"But it's true," he scoffed, pulling away from me. I frowned as he looked out the window, suddenly refusing to look at me. "If I hadn't said anything to Marks, this wouldn't have happened to you. If I hadn't let my mom send me away, you wouldn't have gone running to Mason James." My heart fell. The hatred that dripped from that name made goosebumps pop up on my arms. Taking a deep breath, I pressed my eyes closed.

"I need you to stop thinking any of this is your fault," I said calmly, pinching the bridge of my nose. The headache forming at the base of my skull was making it hard to focus. "I should have gone to the cops about Marks in the first place, then none of this would have happened. And Mason-" Ben stiffened at the sound of his name. "And, please, Ben, if you don't listen to another word I say ever again, listen to this. Mason was a mistake. A mistake I am going to regret for the rest of my life. I thought I would never get to be with you. I can't ruin a chance at a family for my sisters just so I can be happy. That is beyond selfish. They've been through so much, and your family makes them so happy. They deserve this way more than I deserve you. I was miserable and I was drunk, and the attention felt nice because for just a few minutes I could forget about all the pain I was feeling. And for all I knew, you were flying home and were going directly to be with Monica-"

Suddenly, he snapped. He turned to me, a glare on his face so fierce I would never forget it. He grabbed my wrist, pulling me to look him in the eye. "Don't bring Monica into this. I told you, I'm not with her anymore."

"I'm not trying to pick a fight," I whispered. He was scaring me. "I'm just trying to explain to you-"

"Explain how you could go jump into bed with someone else the second you thought it was over for us?"