Cheated (Phan)

Chapter 5

Jack, I've thought about it a lot and even asked a friend for advice, and I've decided to give you a second chance but only as a friend. I'm sorry but while I do still love you, I don't trust you enough to get back together with you x

I'd been staring at the text for a few minutes now and even though I'd told myself I'd made my decision and that I was happy with it, I was still trying to decide if this was what I really wanted or not. I had no idea to be honest, but I did think I would be happier having him in my life than not having him in it, even if it would be harder.

I moved my finger to the send button, and let it hover there for a few moments while I breathed in deeply and puffed out my cheeks, trying to muster the courage.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed it quickly, opening one eye slowly to see if I'd really sent it or not. I had. It was gone. There wasn't really the option of taking it back now. I actually felt kind of relieved, and took that as a sign that I'd made the right decision, and I immediately felt happier.

My phone buzzed in my hands and I squeaked, dropping it on the floor by accident. Even though there wasn't anyone around to see me, I still flushed red and dropped my head into my hands, groaning at my own jumpiness.

I reached down and picked it up, unlocking it and looking at who the text was from. It was from Jack. I had to take another couple of deep breaths before I could force myself to open it, and I again used the tactic of squeezing my eyes shut and tapping the screen in the hope that my finger would magically do it for me.

I cracked one eye open again and glanced at the text, and tried to read it that way. When that failed I just opened both eyes normally and read it, the feeling of dread lifting again to make way for a happy feeling.

Oh my God thank you so much Phil! I can't tell you how happy I am! I'm so sorry again and I hope one day you can fully forgive me but I'm so grateful! Do you want to meet up at some point soon? x

I smiled at the text and tapped out my reply with far less reluctance than with the last text.

You're welcome :P yeah sure, when and where? x

*****

We ended up going to one of our favourite places - Starbucks. We both just really loved it there, and it had also been the place we went to for our first date. Since it was kind of expensive for just a cup of coffee we didn't go there very often; but it was one of our favourite places nonetheless.

For some reason I'd been expecting things to have changed drastically in the last month or so, so when he ordered the same drink as usual I couldn't stop myself from looking up in surprise. The fact that we still got on so amazingly well also confused me a little because of how sure I'd been that our relationship was beyond repair, but it took no effort to keep the conversation going and I was constantly reminded of why I loved him so much. Being with him just felt so natural.

He seemed to be making an extra effort to be nice and to keep things lighthearted, avoiding all topics that could make us annoyed in any way. For example, music. A song came on that I hated and he liked, and I saw him open his mouth to start singing along quietly, but he'd immediately snapped it shut again when he saw me looking and sent me a small smile.

I'd smiled back at him and changed the topic, and we spent hours there talking and laughing. It was a pretty good day.

*****

A few days later and Jack and I were still going out on little sort of dates like we used to back when we'd first started dating. The day after going to Starbucks we went to the park after school and just lay on the grass talking and finding shapes in the clouds that passed by overhead for hours and the day after that I went to his house.

It was lovely to see Kitty again and his mom greeted me with a warm hug, and I felt at home again the second I walked in. Being with Jack after a month of being apart and doing all of the little things we used to do was just really nice and familiar and I was enjoying every minute.

When we were there he suggested having a picnic at our secret spot in the park and he surprised me with a batch of chocolate cornflake nests that he'd made with Kitty so he could combine my two favourite foods in the world - cereal and chocolate. I could feel myself starting to forgive Jack, even though I still wasn't exactly sure if I wanted to do that or not, and I loved him more by the second.

After the picnic date he walked me home and we came to a stop at the top of my road, where he turned to me and smiled wistfully, then started to lean in. He stopped close enough for me to know for sure what he wanted but far enough away to show me that it was completely up to me.

I waited for a moment, knowing full well what I should do, but decided to ignore it and kiss him anyway. And it was just as amazing as it always had been, right from the first time. I'd pretty much forgiven him now, I honestly couldn't help it.

When we came up for air he brushed his thumbs softly over my cheeks and looked at me with such obvious love in his eyes that I just had to lean in and kiss him again.

"I love you so much Phil."

"I love you too."

When I said that hope blazed in his eyes for a moment and he didn't say anything for a short while. He pulled back then and looked at the ground, glancing up at me again with those green eyes that had always had an effect on me that no-one else's eyes had had.

"Does... Does that mean you've forgiven me?"

I was very sure I had but I still considered it for a long time before I gave him an answer I was completely certain of.

"Yes."

"Is there any chance of you wanting to get back together with me then?"

Answering took me a while again, but I really didn't want to say anything that I wasn't one hundred percent sure was true.

"I need to think about it again. I have forgiven you, I just don't know if I trust you enough. I'm sorry."

He nodded slowly, and while he did look a little sadder the happy look remained.

"That's ok. I'm just so happy that you don't hate me."

I smiled at him again and leaned in to kiss him quickly, then linked my hand with his and he walked me the rest of the way home.

*****

When I was in bed I started to drift off slowly with my head filled with happy thoughts about Jack when my phone buzzed. I reached for it sleepily and opened the new message, smiling when I saw what it said.

I love you Phil, sweet dreams <3 xxx

Love you too Jack, goodnight :) xxx

*****

Hey guys, guess what? It didn't take me weeks to update! Hell yeah! :D

Is it bad that I half ship Jack and Phil? I mean Jack is a douchebag but they're kinda cute together in my head... But Phan will happen eventually so don't worry about me deciding to ditch the original plan to have Jack and Phil instead :D

Thinking of a ship name for them now...

Ok I just asked Google and a ship name generator told me the ship name is Jail and I'm sitting here and laughing my head off XD don't ask me why that's so funny to me cos I don't know either :P

Anyway, I'm gonna go cry cos it's my little brother's birthday tomorrow and he's turning 14 and he's not little anymore and I feel old :(

Byeeeee! :D