Cheated (Phan)

Chapter 7

I woke up to my phone buzzing loudly on my bedside table and strongly considered dropping it down the side of my bed so it would make less noise. When it buzzed again I gave in and unlocked it, looking at the screen blearily with one eye, the other one just refusing to open.

Good morning baby :) x

I smiled to myself a litle, then scrolled down to the next text.

Happy one month anniversary my love <3 meet me in our place in the park in two hours :) x

My smile widened and I tapped out a response quickly, then closed my eyes again and took a moment to gather the energy to leave my warm, comfortable bed. I almost fell asleep again in the process, but I managed it and spent a couple of minutes lying on the floor recovering from my ordeal.

I needed a shower and a lot of coffee. I stumbed downstairs and felt around in the cupboards for the instant coffee and dumped an extra spoonful into the cup, then almost poured cold water over it, my mind still mostly in dreamland. It was only when the first few drops had splashed into the mug that I realised I hadn't actually turned the kettle on - I'd only filled it.

When the coffee was ready I gulped it down quickly, burning my mouth in the process, and staggered back up the stairs and in the direction of the bathroom, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. By the time I was done with my shower I was wide awake and in a fantastic mood, half skipping to my room to get dressed and sort out my hair before I went to see my beautiful and amazing boyfriend.

I took extra care when running the straighteners through my hair, humming to myself quietly and feeling very happy. When I was done I grabbed my phone and ran down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to strike a random pose before continuing to the kitchen. I stuck a slice of bread into the toaster and did a little dance while I waited for it to pop out again, covering it with a generous amount of raspberry jam.

I took my breakfast with me to the living room where I spent the extra half hour I had before I had to leave the house watching Friends and shouting at Ross for being stupid enough to sleep with the girl from the photocopying place when he and Rachel were on a break.

*****

I was sitting on the grass just next to the picnic blanket with Jack's head on my lap because he'd been nice enough to lie down exactly so I couldn't join him on it. I played with his hair as he talked about anything that came into his head, skipping from the one topic to the other and looking up into my eyes adoringly the whole time, pulling me down every few minutes to press his lips against mine softly or to whisper in my ear that he loved me.

One thing I loved about the fact that we'd had to restart our relationship was how we were back to doing all of the cute things a new couple always do without thinking. For example, texting the other out of the blue just to say you love them, or interrupting them mid conversation to kiss them just because you suddenly felt such a strong urge to.

Of course that in no way meant that I was happy he'd kissed that girl - those images still haunted me every time I saw her around school or whenever Jack smiled at a girl I didn't know for too long. I still had to resist the urge to check his texts whenever I stole his phone to write him little messages on the notes app, or to ask him not to talk to certain people anymore because I just couldn't blindly trust him the way I used to. I could only hope that I would start trusting him fully again with time but part of me couldn't help but feel like that might never happen again, that there would always be at least a tiny part of me that wouldn't forget and would always overanalyze things to try and avoid getting hurt again.

Despite all of my anxiety over the maybes and the possible ways he could hurt me I was so damn happy to be with him again. Sometimes I'd get sucked into what could feel like an inescapable vortex of thoughts like what the hell were you thinking, he's going to hurt you again, get out right now, but all he'd have to do to snap me out of it was squeeze my hand reassuringly or text me with any random thing and I'd realise again much I loved him and how easy the relationship was and how I couldn't forever change the way I thought about him, about us, based on one accident.

I realised that I'd started to drift off into my own thoughts and was listening to the soothing sound of his voice in the background rather than the actual words, and quickly started paying attention to what he was saying again.

"- next to you in history? You talked to him a lot during our... break, didn't you?"

Was he talking about Dan? I looked around us for anything that could have triggered this train of thought and it didn't take long for me to notice Dan shuffling forward morosely with his shoulders hunched over and staring at the ground less than a hundred metres away from us. Our spot in the park was quite secluded - it was the furthest away from the play area and the lake with the ducks so not a lot of people liked to sit here, but that didn't mean we couldn't still see everything that was going on in the main part.

I gently lifted Jack's head from my lap and scrambled up, dusting off my jeans as I half jogged over to Dan with a wide smile on my face. It felt like I hadn't spoken to him in forever - a side effect of getting back together with Jack was that I only had art lessons to talk to Dan now as outside of school Jack and the rest of the people in my friendship group took up all of my time.

"Dan!"

He stopped walking and looked up, a smile spreading over his face as soon as he saw me coming towards him.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm great! Wow it feels like I haven't spoken to you in ages! How have you been?"

His smile slipped a little but he replied too quickly for me to dwell on it much.

"Um, I've been ok I guess. I assume things with you and Jack are still good?"

I jumped a little when I felt an arm slip around my waist, then relaxed against the person that had suddenly appeared next to me when I realised it was Jack.

"Things are great," he said, squeezing me a little and kissing the side of my head. I couldn't help but lean into him a bit more and barely noticed Dan averting his gaze as if he didn't like seeing us being affectionate.

"Well that's nice. I've gotta go so bye, I'll see you some other time."

I felt my face fall a little at the thought of him leaving already, but nodded at him and said I'd text him later, at which Jack's arm tightened around me again possessively.

*****

Soon after the Dan sighting the park started to become a bit deserted so we packed up the picnic leftovers and stuffed the blanket back into Jack's backpack, then he walked me to my house with our hands linked and swinging between us.

When we got to the top of my road he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed me, taking barely any time to deepen the kiss and send my head spinning, even slipping his hands into my back pockets to press me against him more, something he hadn't done since the breakup.

By the time he pulled away I was having trouble breathing and my heart was pounding and I actually felt a little dazed, so when he roughly whispered that he loved so much in my ear I just about managed to tell him I loved him too before he kissed me one more time and walked away with a last grin sent my way over his shoulder.

It took me a few moments to realise I was probably a good idea to walk down to my house for dinner, and I went in feeling like I was on cloud nine.

*****

Hello again... Yeah it's been like three weeks... Sorry about that...

But I have an excuse! I had no internet and then when I got back I was really stressed about my GCSE results because I was getting them a week after everyone else and I don't handle that kinda thing well. At all. I literally had nightmares about them every night after the day I was meant to find out. But I passed everything and I actually did quite well and can go to my preferred college and take the subjects I want so I'm really happy :D

Moving on, I'm really super ill and spend about 20 hours a day asleep (I'm really not joking - I have morning, early afternoon, late afternoon and evening naps and then I sleep from 9 till 7). I'm only eating breakfast right now cos I sleep through other meals and I don't like it :(

Also I did the ice bucket challenge today while ill (thanks again Anni) and OH MY GOD IT WAS SO SO COLD but it's all good now and I got to inflict the same torture on others :D

Anyway, byeee, if you are starting school again believe me I feel your pain, the best of luck :D